Our Angel Matthew

– “My heart is full of love for you” – Mommy Claudia and twin to Steven

I lost one of my twins to a condition with the placenta called vasa previa. My boys were dichorionic twins born at 38 weeks and 3 days gestation. My husband and I named them Matthew and Steven and it was Matthew who passed away due to this condition, which was not diagnosed by my doctor. It could have been prevented and he could be here with us today. That is what is most upsetting. During those nine months I did everything possible to ensure a healthy pregnancy only to loose him during labor in the hospital.

The day our precious son died was January 12 th 2005 . Looking back, there was a chain of events that led to this heartbreaking day. I had been very concerned throughout the first few months of the pregnancy and had requested my OB/GYN to consider me as high risk. Although I looked fine on the outside, I was worried every step of the way. I asked to be transferred to a high risk birthing centre, however, my doctor thought I was overreacting and being paranoid. She never once considered me as high risk because she said I showed no symptoms. In fact I was told that I would be treated the same as a singleton pregnancy. She brainwashed me into thinking everything was normal. Never having children before nor personally knowing anyone who had had twins, I put my trust in her thinking she was the ‘professional’ dealing with pregnancies for so many years.

Although I had been open to a caesarean, I was told by my doctor that a vaginal delivery was safer for me. Since the babies were in two amniotic sacs and placentas, I should deliver naturally even though Twin B, Steven, was breech. The morning of January 12 th I went through the normal routine in the hospital: the doctor on shift broke my water (Twin A, Matthew’s sac), the contractions started and the anesthesiologist gave me an epidural. As the contractions became stronger, some show of blood caught my eye but the nurse said this was normal in early labor. It was during this time in labor when Matthew began to bleed to death inside me. We thought everything was going well until the doctor on shift checked me and said I was 6 cm dilated. As this doctor did the examination, Matthew’s head must have moved and all the blood that had been kept inside my uterus now came out (his head had acted as a plug on my cervix). Instantly, his heartbeat dropped from 140 beats per minute all the way to 40. And tragically, he died only minutes before they performed an emergency cesarean to try to save him. Twin B, Steven, had no complications as his placenta was clear. Steven was given to us immediately. Twin A, Matthew weighed 5.15 lbs and Twin B, Steven, weighed 5.2 lbs.

I would like to share with you a bit on vasa previa: it is a rare condition but can be detected while the baby is in utero (but usually doctors do not bother performing this test). Normally, blood vessels feeding the baby will travel from the placenta through the umbilical cord and into the baby's bellybutton. Vasa previa develops when velamentous insertion of the cord exists. Parts of the blood vessels are unsupported and not imbedded in the placenta or umbilical cord. [Further Note: Vasa previa is a rarely (1:3000) reported condition in which fetal blood vessel(s) from the placenta or umbilical cord crosses the entrance to the birth canal, beneath the baby. – source www.vasaprevia.com] As such, a fetus has exposed blood vessels that run across the opening of the cervix. If undiagnosed, such as in Matthew’s case, babies have a very high fetal mortality rate of 50 to 100%. When the membranes or bag of water breaks, these fetal vessels of the umbilical cord or placental tissue that traverse across the lower segment of the uterus in the opening of the cervix will tear (as the baby puts pressure on the birth canal) and will result in the baby loosing half or more of its blood in a very short period of time. In most cases, the baby will die in utero or in the first few weeks of life, if there is a considerable amount of oxygen loss to the brain.   If you would like to go learn more on vasa previa please click on the link: http://www.vasaprevia.com

January 12 th was certainly the worse day of our lives. We were in so much shock as everything changed so drastically, so quickly…it felt like a very bad dream. At the time we did not know what had happened. Even when the doctor showed us the placenta and told us how he died, it still didn’t make any sense. How could I have gone nine months not knowing Matthew’s life had been in constant danger? What angered me so much was the fact that I had specifically requested to be transferred to a high risk doctor but was denied the opportunity by my OB/GYN. That week in the hospital was very difficult. Not only was I in total shock from losing Matthew but was told to immediately put my attention onto Steven. I had to learn how to breastfeed, change him, wash him, etc. It has now been a few months since Matthew’s passing and it is still difficult. I have wept a great deal facing the death of my son and wished that it had been me instead of him. Time is now slowly healing but I still have moments when time seems to stand still. I never knew the pain of loosing a child could hurt so much. All our hopes, dreams and expectations for him have been taken away.

Some people have made comments such as, ‘as least you have one’ or ‘there must have been a reason why this happened’. What is worse is that others congratulated us on the birth of Steven but never mentioned Matthew. I realize everybody deals with death differently and some people just do not know what to say. I want those people to know that they should not be afraid to mention Matthew’s name or asks us how we are coping with his death. Acknowledging that he existed comforts us. I want people to know ‘what happened to us was terrible’ and ‘it sucks’. There is nothing worse in the world than to loose a child and for people to think that Matthew’s twin is a consolation…it makes no sense. I took care of two babies inside me and now I only have one…Steven does not replace Matthew! Had Matthew survived I would be the happiest woman in the world with my two baby boys. I visit the cemetery as often as possible and I cry in desperation wishing that he would be home with us…the way it was suppose to be.

I have set up a website dedicating it to our son. If you would like to visit Matthew’s website, please click on the link: www.ourangelmatthew.com Although I can never bring our baby boy back I am hoping to raise awareness about this ‘silent killer’ so that other families will not go through the tragedy that our family has gone through. Matthew will always remain alive in our hearts.