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Dad's (Partner's) Role
Reader's Questions and Answers: |
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NOTE: Answers provided are of a general nature only and in no way reflect a medical opinion or diagnosis. If you are in doubt about any aspect of your pregnancy, please consult your physician immediately.
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Feedback:
May, 2007 - Nice article, but while you were were careful to correctly acknowledge that not all families are composed of a married mother/father, I wish that you had also taken the time to acknowledge that not all mothers are stay at home mothers (beyond an initial maternity leave). The article made it sound like a given that the woman would give up her career, and this is not always the case by far, even with mothers of multiples.
From Lynda:
You didn't leave your EM address, so I am explaining here. I reread the article to see what you took away and what I was thinking when writing it. I was focused on the initial maternity leave and getting started and not "down the road." Getting into a routine is always a challenage and having a partner's agreement and participation is important at every stage and speeds things along, no matter whose working, on maternity/paternity leave and choices of going back to work or not (I've known of many stay at home Dads). At all stages, children and parents benefit from interaction and support from each family member. I believe the family is a team and things have a better chance of success when all parties give 100%. I hope that helps clarify.
Feedback:
September, 2005
I'm 4 months pregnant and the father acts like he dosen't want to be involed. Then he told me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but we're going to try to work it out for the next five months. Can you give me advice on how to include him and make him fall back in love with me at the same time?
From Lynda:
I am sorry to hear of your predicament. You don't say how old you or the father are. When we teach prenatal classes, we spend a lot of time going over each partner's responsibility and offering concrete tips on how to be proactive with parenting. Ideally, both parents need to be involved to the benefit of the children. Absolutely try and work it out. Go for some professional counselling and if he refuses to go, go yourself. It never hurts to learn. Knowledge is power. A relationship takes the full participation of both people not just for couples but for friends, family, co-workers and so on. Try to always include him in such items as going to appointments together, ultrasounds, feeling the babies move, naming them, and so on. While it is good to keep the conversation and activities alive around his involvement, you need to realize that it still might not work. I encourage you to be proactive in 'doing your own thing.' If he responds to the inclusions great; if he doesn't, don't beg, make him feel guilty or coerce, it won't work. Prepare yourself for the babies arrival and hopefully Dad will be an important part of the family. Very best wishes.
Feedback:
What can the labour partner/coach do to be a support?
From Lynda:
If your labour partner/coach is a Doula, please check out the wonderful Links I have on my Site for Doulas. They will explain in great detail the benefits for both parents of having a Doula and how she coordinates both parents during labour and delivery.
Dad/Partner is an extremely important part of the birth process. He supports, encourages and, focuses Mom as she is contracting and pushing. He may provide back or shoulder rubs, help Mom count through the contractions, provides cool cloths for her forehead, suggestions for changing positions to help the birth along, or get ice chips for Mom. His position in the delivery room is supportive, positive and encouraging as both parents work to bring their beautiful baby(ies) into the world!
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