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Memorial Ideas to Share…
Reader's Questions and Answers: |
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NOTE: Answers provided are of a general nature only and in no way reflect a medical opinion or diagnosis. If you are in doubt about any aspect of your pregnancy, please consult your physician immediately.
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Feedback:
August, 2010
My brother and his wife were pregant with twins. One of the babies died at 6 months in the womb Noah john. The other was born yesterday. I want to give my brother and sister in law something in remembrance for Noah but not sure what to do. I want to show my sorrow to them but dont know what to buy. Have any Ideas ?
From Lynda:
Hello, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of Noah. It is a real challenge to have the joy of birth while trying to deal with the pain of loss, both at the same time. How thoughtful of you to think about something to remember Noah by. There are some wonderful bracelets now on sterling silver bracelets that one personalize by choosing beads that have meaning for either people or special occasions. You could begin the bracelet with perhaps 4 beads, one for Mom, Dad, the survivor and Noah. This way Mom could wear her bracelet whenever she wanted and not have to explain to anyone what each bead meant unless she wanted to. Retelling the story can be exhausting. Mom can also add beads herself as time goes by as she may wish. What is nice about these bracelets is that they can dress up or down, have smooth edges and don't catch on your clothes like charm bracelets do. Or, you might consider a necklace with a child charm and a birthstone on the charm to represent Noah. That idea might be appealing.
I am so sorry for your loss,
Lynda
Feedback:
June, 2010
I recently lost a high school classmate who died in a freak drowning incident. We graduated in 2005 and are getting ready to have our 5 yr class reunion. She was a terrific athletic, ran cross country & track in high school as well as in college. We would like to be able to do some kind of memorial for her and her family as we are from a smaller community, but would like to find a more unique idea rather then planting a tree or hanging a plaque. Do you have any suggestions?
From Lynda:
Your EM address bounced back, so I am answering you here.
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. It isn't easy to lose a young person just beginning their life. It doesn't seem fair. Is there a chance that you could set up an athletic or scholastic scholarship in her name? Awarding it annually, if possible, or even once to a deserving young person in your community could make sure that her legacy continues. With it could go a plaque for the school with both her name and the winners on it. Or you might considering making a donation to the Sports Department of the school you went to, for new equipment, or to your local library for them to upgrade a computer(s).
I hope these couple of ideas are useful.
Sincerely
Lynda
Feedback:
December, 2007
I have been online all morning looking for a website where I can buy and donate a rocking chair to be given to a hospital, Ronald McDonald House, neonatal intensive care unit, etc. in memory of my twin grandchildren, Hope & Nathan.
These first grandchildren were born too soon on August 29th, 2006. Hope Kelly was first and died in her mom’s arms 45 min. later.
Nathan Richard died the next morning in his mom’s arms. My daughter and her husband have since been blessed with a daughter,
Brooke Hope, born 9/8/07 – full-term and a true joy.
I would like to honor the memory of my first grandchildren with a rocking chair donated to be used somewhere that rocking babies is necessary, needed, and enjoyed.
Hope you can help me in this Christmas gift request.
Thanks! Pam
From Lynda:
Hello Pam,
I read your note and had goosebumps. I am so sorry for your losses. Nothing about losing a child is fair and two of them.....I am so sorry.
May I suggest another tactic? Firstly choose a place you would like to donate it and ask them if they would like it. Sometimes they have enough, or can direct you to another location in need. They may also suggest something else the hospital needs, such as an incubator designed to co-bed twins, or other piece of equipment they are short of. In this case if the brass memory plate wouldn't be able to be place directly on the piece of equipment, it can go on the door of the room it is located in. How about you find a rocking chair you like and then have a brass memory plate engraved and set onto the chair. Then you can take it to where you would like to have it donated.
If you live in the Ottawa Area, there are some wonderful furniture stores where rocking chairs can be purchased or if not look for any wooden furniture maker. There is an Amish wooden furniture store near where I live and their rocking chairs are sturdy, of several colour/wood choices, of a good size and would take a lot of wear.
This is a lovely idea, Pam, and I am quite sure you shouldn't have trouble finding someone to accept your generous donation. I'd love to hear what you decide.
As an aside, I write a monthly e-newsletter for Multiple Births Canada's Loss Support Network and membership is free, although we greatly appreciate any donations to help cover expenses, to bereaved multiple birth families. If you would like to receive a past-issue, just let me know. We have several grandparents on our distribution list.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your precious grandchildren.
Sincerely,
Lynda
Feedback:
September, 2006
I have the ashes of the 2 babies that have moved on in the box it came in. I have searched for so long looking for an urn for them but they are all so expensive. Do you have any ideas on what I can do or where I can purchase some that aren't hundreds of dollars?
From Lynda:
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious babies. Can you consider something other than an urn? Are you planning on burying the ashes at some point or do you wish to keep them with you? The answers to these questions may guide you in another direction. Beautiful storage boxes are now available, and one could be appropriate. Some boxes are ceramic or you may find a potter willing to make you something specific: a baby block, rattle, teddy bear, for examples. You might even make it yourself at a local craft shop carrying green ware. Many communities have such hobby shops. Some jewellery stores have stainless steel or silver boxes which might work. Keep looking until you find something that speaks to you and feels appropriate. It doesn't have to be sooner rather than later. It needs to be when it feels right. I hope these ideas help. Best wishes.
Feedback:
January, 2006
My son's young, energetic preschool teacher was killed in a car accident on Christmas Day. Can you offer some ideas for a permanent school memorial from the parents and students? (Please no trees, we are an inner-city school with no room for them. We do, however, have room in our playground for other memorial items.) Kathy
From Lynda:
I am so sorry to hear that news. Not only is a young person killed but on a day which will now have a very different meaning for her family.
You could add a piece of play equipment, but I have found that eventually the pendulum swings and the equipment is deemed to be unsafe by new safety standards, or it wears out and still needs to be replaced. What about sponsoring a room within the school, a plaque on the door to read - This Room is Dedicated to the Memory of ...................... and so. Within the room you could upgrade items, books, equipment, toys, desks whatever it needs. This idea may also work for the Library or how about her preschool classroom where she worked? The plaque would always be there for viewing. You could also arrange for a photo and name plate to be displayed near the room, in the hall.
Hope those ideas are helpful.
Feedback:
December, 2005
I respect the concerns of balloon artists. However, some people are allergic to latex; latex balloons are discouraged in hospitals. Pediatricians recommend avoiding latex balloons as toys for children due to risk of choking on fragments. Consider these factors in addition to the environment when choosing whether or not to release balloons at a memorial service or public event.
From Lynda:
Thanks for your note.
Feedback:
November, 2005
I was thinking I heard somewhere that you'll make memory boxes for bereaved parents and I would love to have one. It's a very hard time of the year right now. I'm loking for comfort. Our address if you can is Texas (address removed)
God Bless you.
Jamie
From Lynda:
Hi Jamie,
I am so sorry to hear that you are having a bad time. So often anniversaries are very difficult. Your feelings are understandable. Unfortunately I do not make memory boxes. It would be a difficult endeavour as each case would be unique and individual. What I would suggest though is that you make your own. Gather momentos that you would want it to include such as photos, hair lock, hospital bracelet, cards, any clothing or blanket, you may write a letter expressing your feelings. The box you can either decorate yourself with scrap booking stickers, ribbons or decals or you can purchase one that may have special meaning for you. What I find is that creating your own memory box is very helpful in connecting with the deceased and also offers us opportunity to address our own feelings. It is extremely helpful also, in making it personal - whatever means something special to you. Perhaps a crystal, wood or ceramic angel. You can add whatever you want, whenever you want.
I enclose peace, comfort and hugs.
Lynda
Feedback:
November, 2005
My cousin gave birth to premature triplets, at 1.6, 1.10 and 1.13 their survival rate was slim. One boy passed at 2 days, the other at 5 days. The surviving girl struggled and fought to live in the ICU for 6 months. We are now giving my cousin a baby shower and she would like for the boys to NOT be forgotten. This has been very tragic for the couple and they visit the grave site every Sunday without fail, plus on their birth and death dates. Please give me an idea of what we could do at the shower to have them remembered. We plan to set up a table decorated in blue with their pictures and a "ALways in our Memory" sign. Any other ideas??? Thanks, Dawn
From Lynda:
I am so sorry to hear of your cousin's losses. How sensitive you are to want to help her remember her sons. Babies are so precious no matter how short their time with us and they are not interchangeable, so acknowledging their births and deaths as well as their sister's birth is an important for the parents.
How about adding to the table two small blue vases with a single flower in each? The vases could be keepsakes for the parents. Also, you might choose one or two Memory Boxes for the parents to keep momentos of their sons in. You could decorate them yourself or there are many beautiful ones to be purchased at local papery stores. I suggest different scenes on the boxes to celebrate the individual personalities of the babies. The boxes need to be large enough to include different momentos the parents might have: blanket the child was wrapped in, sweater, hat, foot and/or hand plaster prints, hospital bracelets, lock of hair, photos and so on. You might have a piece (or two pieces) of crystal engraved with each child's name, birth and death dates. If you choose this, I would also add the sister's name as well as both parents' names. You could make a donation in each child's name to a child's organization such as a school library, hospital, playground and have the resulting Certificate(s) of Donation on display. Two little ceramic, wood or china angels could be displayed as well. You may have a moment of silence to remember the boys, if that felt appropriate. You could certainly propose a toast to them as well as their sister.
If your cousin felt comfortable with the idea, I would be honoured to place a photo of your memorial on my Site for other parents to guide them with their own situations. Sometimes sharing is very helpful and reaching out healing. If that works for you and your cousin, please let me know. It needs to work.
I hope these ideas are helpful to you. Be prepared for tears of joy and sorrow. You can't change the outcome but being available to listen to her, hold her, cry with her and celebrate her daughter will be extremely important, especially as time passes. Don't be shy about saying the boys' names. She will love to hear you do so. This Shower will no doubt be a conflicting time for her, but also important as she is safe and surrounded by caring family and friends.
Feedback:
Please be considerate when you publish an article saying "... Bits of balloon have been found in dead sea birds...". I know you meant bits of mylar balloons after reading your full message. For those extremists, they only need to read the headlines and condemn the whole balloon industry. We are balloon artists and balloon is our livelihood, we do not release Helium Mylar balloons nor any balloon tied with ribbon. Please, please, Latex or rubber balloons are biodegradable, you can eat rubber just like chewing gum, if swallowed by accident, just wait for the nature's call.
From Lynda:
Hi, thanks so much for your feedback. Hooray! is all I can say. I am delighted to hear of this improvement regarding biodegradable balloons and I hadn't thought about ribbons. Thanks for that timely reminder.
Feedback:
I fully support your appeals to people not to release helium balloons. However, since you clearly understand the difference between a mylar and a latex balloon I fail to see why you blame mass latex balloon releases for the mylar balloon (not used in releases) you write about. Please discover the facts before going public!
From Lynda:
This article was written about 3 years ago (2002) and I know there have been strides made since then to improve balloons and make them more biodegradable so that they are not a threat to wildlife. In spite of your comments, I stand by my article. There are so many meaningful and permanent ways to remember a loved one, and releasing balloons just isn't one of them if it means that even one animal might get hurt. As human beings, I feel we owe it to our planet to live in harmony with those who cannot speak for themselves and not possibly put their lives in jeopardy.
Feedback:
I am considering doing a balloon release fundraising event for our charity. I have done lots of research on the balloons and the environment. Laxex helium filled balloons are not a hazard to the environment. They are made out of tree sap and are completly bio-degradable. Once they are filled with helium they start deteriorating. Once they reach 5 miles up they shred to tiny peices. The peices that hit the ground will completely deteriorate in 6 months time. If peices are swallowed by animals it will not hurt them. They are made out of non-toxic material and natural tree sap
From Lynda:
I love this idea! Thanks so much for sharing. I had not heard of these new types of balloons. Very best wishes with your event.
Feedback:
Please advise on an appropriate "gift" for a friend who just lost triplets during the 6th month of pregnancy. Flowers? My wife suggests the little baby roses, in three seperate containers.
From Lynda:
You are amazing to think of this and I love your idea. It is thoughtful and caring and I have no doubt your friend would feel very treasured that you would consider remembering their babies this way. Another thing that came to my mind, was pressing one of each of the roses and putting them in a shadow box perhaps with the babies names and birth and/or death dates as well. These baby keepsakes are important, especially over time, as they validate the babies existences.
Another thing you could do is make a donation to a local children's charity or library in the babies' names. Also a children's hospital would be a good choice.
I congratulate you again on your forethought and for being such good friends. I'd love to hear what you decide.
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