Answers: Pregnancy After Loss

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Pregnancy After Loss
Reader's Questions and Answers:

NOTE: Answers provided are of a general nature only and in no way reflect a medical opinion or diagnosis. If you are in doubt about any aspect of your pregnancy, please consult your physician immediately.

Feedback: August, 2010
is it possible to have a healthy baby after having a still born baby?

From Lynda: Hello, the quick answer is yes, absolutely! Families do that all the time after a loss. To help things along, both Mom and Dad need to have a clean bill of health from the Dr. to begin trying again, eat nutritiously, no smoking for either or exposure to secondhand smoke, and keeping away from alcohol all help, but there are no guarantees when trying. Sometimes a vacation where the priorities change can also be helpful. Best wishes, Lynda

Feedback: July, 2010
Thank you for this tender article; it helped answer a few of my unasked questions. I especially appreciated the advice from Cynthia at the end of the article. It was sweet, made me cry, but also inspires me. My husband and I are thinking about trying again--it's been nearly nine months since we lost our first baby. Thanks again.

From Lynda: I am so sorry for your loss and I do hope that you are soon holding your own precious baby in your arms. Hugs.

Feedback: February, 2009
I'm really feeling low because I lost a set of girl twins March 8 and 9 2008 and had a miscarriage around Christmas this last year with another set of twins! I have three healthy children but I feel a great loss and I have a big desire to hold and cherish another child. My family keeps pressuring me to wait or to get my tubes tied and not even to have anymore! I do feel crazy with the desire. I want this more than anything. What do I say when they say that and I'm already feeling real empty? I love children and always have! Should I still be feeling a little depressed or still hurting like it just happened?

From Lynda: Hello, I am so sorry for your losses. No matter how many children we have, they are not interchangeable and each is important and special. With twins, your losses have another layer, i.e. the loss of a unique parenting experience as well as the children. Perhaps folks are trying "to help" by deflecting your thoughts onto what you already have and not focusing on your losses. It is well-meaning but not so easy/simple. I would indicate that regardless, I have lost much-wanted children and I am grieving those losses. Those feelings of grief will not be denied or ignored. I would keep it simple and keep it from my own perspective. No one can argue with how you feel. I think it is very normal to be sad and upset. Your world has changed and you now know it can be a very difficult place. Loss is horrible and never completely goes away. We do learn to live with it. Time is helpful but it never removes all of the pain. Enclosing peace and comfort, Lynda

Feedback: February, 2008
My name is Jennifer, I lost twin girls at 24 weeks in June 'o4. I have had several miscarrages before the twins and one after. I have two kids by an ex. And am remarried to a wonderful man. He has been talking about wanting a child. I am considered high risk and am scared. I would love to have a child with my husband I just don't if I can. Please help. I don't know if I can get over my fear.

From Lynda: Hi Jennifer, I am so sorry for the dilemma that you are going through and for your many losses. You've certainly been through a lot. I think the first thing you and your husband need to do is get a clean bill of health from your doctors. I would also ask what your doctor thought the chances are of you getting pregnant again and keeping the pregnancy. It is true, at this stage you will be considered high risk. The fact that you may not be able to conceive again and keep the pregnancy is a reality that you and your husband will need to talk openly about. Letting him know your regrets and fears is very important. I am sure he will understand. It isn't your fault and from your letter, I fear you might, even inadvertently, be shouldering some (all?) of the blame. You don't mention your ages and while you may be older and your body less willing to keep a pregnancy, sperm also gets older and there is fallout from that situation. After a clean bill of health, what about a holiday, even a long weekend, somewhere romantic, peaceful and just let things flow naturally. It's worth a try. Being stressed makes it more difficult to conceive. Best wishes.

Feedback: January, 2008
Hi, I lost boy/girl twins concieved through iui at 20 weeks. It was and still is devastating. They would have been our first children, i read so much about other people who lost twins around this time frame as well, is there a reason for that? The doctors said there was an infection in the placenta with my situation which caused my water to break. Does that make sense to you? I appreaciate any response. It's been 9 months since we lost them and I think be might be pregnant again and I'm terrified. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses, hugs to all of you.

From Lynda: Hello, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious babies. There isn't anything at all we can do to prepare ourselves for such a devastating loss. I think that each loss would be unique around that 20 week mark, sometimes an infection as you experienced, sometimes an incompetent cervix, sometimes anomalies in one or both babies, and such. It would be hard to pinpoint 20 weeks or so as being pivotal but being pregnant with twins or more is usually considered high risk just because of the hormones raging, maintaining so many little being (and yourself), the babies are formed and big enough to have a greater impact should there be an anomaly. So much is beyond our control. I'm not sure why you would have had an infection nor can I really comment as I am not medically trained nor do I have knowledge of your personal situation. You can request your medical records and you could also make an appointment with your doctor and find out as much as possible with your situation. It could be helpful and perhaps resolve some issues for you, e.g. these losses aren't your fault. Of course you are terrified to be pregnant again. This is normal. You have learned firsthand that the world can be a very difficult place. Your innocence is gone and no doubt you worry, and will continue to worry until birth, if the same thing will happen to you again. I have no doubt your doctor will take extra special care of you in view of your history. If you are pregnant again, surround yourself with positive people, do only positive things and stop anyone for telling you anything you don't want to hear (we are focusing on being positive and we would love your support with being positive), eat nutritiously, keep all of your doctor's appointments, no smoking or around secondhand smoke, no alcohol. While there are still no guarantees, this does help to keep things on your side and are some things we can control.

I sincerely hope that your next pregnancy goes well and that you are soon holding your precious baby (or babies) in your arms. Please feel free to write to me again, should you need to do so.

Feedback: September, 2007
I lost twin boys at 23 weeks and five days in June. Sam lived for
only 30 minutes while his brother Jack lived for eight days. I agree with a lot of the comments made by others. I also find myself awake every sunday night at 3.00am as that is when my first baby was born. My husband and I have discussed things and know that we would like to try again as soon as possible. We understand our grief and how it will affect future plans and important dates but we feel that all of these special days to come will always be tinged with sadness that our two boys are not with this however this does not prevent us from trying to look forward. Although we started trying as soon as possible, as yet nothing has happened. Due to medical complications after the birth it has taken a long time for my periods to return to
semi-normal. Last month we really thought we had cracked it as I had all the symptoms that I had when I was pregnant with the boys however it was not to be. This really upset me and only now do I realise that I needed more time before trying again. In the back of my mind I know that I am putting pressure in myself because I want to give my husband the one thing he has never had and the thing that he desires. I accept that my baby boys were not meant to live and they are safe and surrounded by love but I am terrified of the same thing happening again and I dont know how I would begin to put myself back together
if it did. My twins were conceived spontaneously so I know that there is an increased risk of it happening again. Sarah.

From Lynda: Hi Sarah, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Sam and Jack. There is nothing to prepare us for the loss of our precious children and nothing about it that is fair. I completely understand your wishing to try again as soon as possible. That makes perfect sense and wishing for another child does not reflect as a replacement for what should have been. Children are not interchangeable and each one special. Please try not to rush. Make sure your body is ready and you are given a clean bill of health by your doctor. Always eat nutritiously, no smoking or around secondhand smoke and avoid alcohol when you do know you are pregnant. It is also helpful if your partner is also in good health. While nothing is guaranateed, you both know you are healthy and doing the best you can to put the odds in your favour. Also helpful is to surround yourself with positive people and to keep positive. Focus on things you like to do, see museums, read good books, perhaps take a vacation together. It is surprising how things can fall into place without pressure and expectations. Each pregnancy is different, even for the same woman and there is no reason at all why things can't work out in your favour next time. Be aware that if your pregnancy follows closely the same time line as your last, you might feel worried and anxious, and certainly as you hit the same anniversaries you will also feel anxious. That is normal. Talk about what you are feeling with someone you trust and can understand. Yes, in view of conceiving your twins spontaneously, you could do so again. I know of several couples this has happened to, with no problems the second time around. I enclose the very best of wishes and please feel free to write to me again at any time you wish.

Feedback: September, 2007
Hi, My name is Julie I am 34 years of age and living in Australia with my husband Kim. Just recently on September 11, I gave birth to our twin daugthers at 20 weeks - our otherwise perfectly healthy babies had died because of unbilical cords being tangled. This is such a devistating time and we are completely grief stricken. I know that I can never replace the babies that I loved so much, but I want to try again very soon. The twins were conceived spontaniously. Thank you for your article that I found online while frantically searching for help to deal with this grief. I will be purchasing your book. Kind regards, Julie

From Lynda: Hi Julie, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your wee babies. It sure is devastating and nothing can prepare us for the loss of much wanted babies. My Site has quite a bit of information about loss in multiple birth if you find it of any use. www.multiplebirthsfamilies.com I write a monthly e-newsletter, Forever Angels, for Multiple Births Canada and if you would like to receive copies, you are more than welcome. While we do appreciate donations, membership is free to any bereaved multiple birth family. Let me know if you would like to be on the distribution list. It may be helpful in knowing you are not alone. Also, for your information, there is a loss group in New Zealand and you can reach them at twinloss@xtra.co.nz

Enclosing peace and comfort,
Lynda

Feedback: July, 2007
I had twins at 24weeks. I have a perfectly healthy child whose 5 but I feel gutted that it happened to me. They didn't servive and Emily was the first to go at just 7 days old then now there is an inquest. The 2nd twin Caitlin contracted a bowel infection and we were told after they operated that she would die that night, which she did in my arms. I am ready to start again but it has been only 14 weeks since I gave birth. shall I feel guilty about having more? I don't wish to replace them but would love to have twins also. can you help?

From Lynda: Hello, you didn't leave an e-mail address, so I am hoping this reaches you. I am so sorry for your losses. Nothing about losing a child or children is fair and nothing can prepare one against the pain and grief. It is very common to feel guilty about the loss and to think that it was something you said, did, thought, or ate, when in fact, we love our children and for them to die before us is not one of our choices. Please be gentle with yourself and try not to feel guilty. So much is beyond our control and even when we do the right things (e.g. eat nutritiously), things can go horribly wrong. Also, don't feel guilty about wanting more children. We can never replace what we have lost, even if we think we can. Each child is special and unique and the wonder of love is that it is like saran wrap and stretches to fit all the children we have, including those who leave us after a short while. If you conceived your twins spontaneously, you have a very good chance of conceiving them again, but there are no promises. I do enclose peace and comfort and hope that you are soon holding your precious child or children - I have no doubt you would be thrilled for either.

Feedback: June, 2007
Hi there, my name is Kim and I lost a baby in September 2006 at 20 weeks and had to give birth. I have been getting acutpunture and taking my temperature and I am very fit and healthy 35 year Young woman...I haven't fallen pregnant after 9 months. I have been trying to fall pregnant for 4 months now. Can you tell me how long the body takes after a birth to fully recover...I know when I ovulate and it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. 3 days after ovulation I became sick and all the symtoms to pregnancy and then I get my periods...Can you tell me what's going on...Thankyou Lynda.

From Lynda: Hi Kim, I am sorry for your loss. It is very hard to give birth as you did knowing the outcome will be anything but joyful. I need to let you know I am not medically trained, nor do I have knowledge of your personal medical situation. I can say that each woman is different and unique. Every pregnancy is different, even for the same woman. You don't mention if you have recd. a clean bill of health from your doctor, and that would be helpful, as would a frank discussion with him (take your partner with you so you are both hearing the feedback) as to your personal situation. Stress and anxiety play a part in being able to conceive, so what about a great holiday around your next ovulation where it is guaranteed you could rest and relax?

I am sorry I am not more help but I enclose the very best of wishes.

Feedback: January, 2007
How long does it normally take to conceive again after a miscarriage?

From Lynda: I'm sorry, I can't answer that question. It depends on a lot of things - how far along the woman was at the time of the miscarriage; her physical health; her partner's physical health; her age; clean bill of health from the doctor. Other influencing factors can be anxiety and stress levels. Each person will be different on how long it will take to conceive when trying again.

Feedback: August, 2006
One line in this article rang even more strongly true than everything else. "We are different people than we were before our loss." After trying for 13 years to conceive, finally reaching a point of peace about remaining childless, then getting pregnant and subsequently losing my baby after seeing that precious heart beating, I truly am not nor will I ever be again, the same person. My whole perspective has changed dramatically. Thank you for your acknowledgement of this profound fact, for I know that none of my friends really get this. I am not the same woman I was 3 months ago.

From Lynda: Hi, you didn't leave an e-mail address so I am answering you on the message boards. I feel so sad for you and your husband. For certain having a child is special, for some seemingly easy and for others not so. When we are young it never occurs to us that we won't be able to have a child (or children) and being positive and media hype adds to the perception. I believe we are different people after a loss (or losses) but we can have input into what 'different' means. I encourage you to consider other ways to reach out and to understand that while you may not have been able to conceive your own child, you remain a loving, caring and valuable person whom has learned the hard way that the world can be a difficult place. What will you do with that information? You can shape your future to include 'different' ways to make a difference and touch others: perhaps help a child with remedial reading in school or the local library; get involved with a charity or charities; get involved in speaking with and supporting other families whom have been unable to conceive - when we give, we get. Those are just a couple of ideas and I needed to suggest them to you as after reading your note, I am fearing that you may 'close down' when you don't have to. Go slow, connect with caring people and for sure if you want to write to me again, I will respond. I have no doubt that your heart is breaking but please consider doing something positive for yourself and for the little heart that once beat within you.
Huge hugs,
Lynda

Feedback: July, 2006
Its really helpful [and] answers a lot of questions which are unanswered .

From Lynda: Thanks for your feedback! Very best wishes.

Feedback: June, 2006
Hi, my name is Lena and I lost my baby on April 15th after doing an emergency c-section. My waters broke a week early of the due date, and the umbilical cord came out straight after. I was rushed to hospital immedicately, and had to wait for the anasthesist to come. That wait was around 30 minutes. They put me to sleep, and operated on me. The baby was dependant on life support and I had to wait for my husband to come from overseas so we could say bye to our baby. I don't know when to try next. I don't feel well mentally and am wondering why this happened. Maybe God thought I wasn't a good mother. Sorry to hear for everyone's losses.

From Lynda: I am sorry to hear of your loss. God didn't think that you weren't a good mother, it sounds to me as if you did all you could to ensure your baby had a healthy life. Sometimes things are beyond our control and we have no say in the outcome. And that isn't always fair. Please consider getting some professional grief counselling. It will help you to understand your feelings, learn that you are not alone and provide a safe place to grieve your loss.
I am enclosing very best wishes, peace and comfort.

Feedback: May, 2006
I lost twins (boy and girl) on March 23 of this year and my Husband and I want to have another baby very soon, but I find myself that on the 23rd of each month I wake up around 3:30am, that's when I went into labor, and have a diffcult time throughout the day and cry sometimes. We've talked about it and I still want to have another child but is it the right time? And what are the chances of me getting pregnant again with twins. We didn't use any drugs to get pregnant with the twins before. Is it normal to feel a bit insecure about being pregnant and losing at it again?

From Lynda: I am so sorry to hear of your losses. What a shame. Your feelings are normal and you are grieving the loss of your babies. You are trying to find a 'new normal' and nothing about that is easy as you have learned firsthand that the world can be a difficult place. You had dizyogtic babies (fraternal) and dizygotics run through the mother's side of the family as she releases two eggs in an ovulation. You have a chance of having twins again and I have heard of it several times. It is very normal to feel insecure and the time line of your next pregnancy, plus the so-called anniversaries will be difficult but perhaps knowing this ahead of time will be helpful in handling it. Do something different on difficult days, see a movie, have coffee with a friend or relative. Something that will distract you. Just because this happened once, doesn't necessarily mean that it will occur again. Most women have at least one miscarriage in their lives, even if it is just a very late period. Each pregnancy is different, even for the same woman.

Only you and your husband can tell if the time is right. Your body needs to be in good health (your doctor can help you there), eat nutritiously, no drinking, smoking or being around secondhand smoke. Try to relax (easy for me to say!), think good things and I hope you are soon holding your own precious baby or babies. All the best.

Feedback: September, 2005
Hello. My husband I lost a son 4yrs ago, he was stillborn. No reason was found and all tests came back clear.We have 3 older healthy children. What is the chance of this happening again (percent?) .My husband feels he needs that question answered before trying again. Thanks - Kaye

From Lynda: Hi Kaye, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious son. Nothing about that is easy and everything about it is wrong. Sometimes a death occurs and there aren't any answers. When there are answers, it is somewhat easier to cope with but not knowing adds another dimension that will always have us worrying and wondering.

Each pregnancy is different, even for the same women - something that most people are not aware of. There is no reason at all why your next pregnancy could not go very smoothly, as your 3 older children's did. The death of a child makes us wonder and we lose our innocence. I'm not sure that there is a percentage of how these things work out because each situation would be unique. What you will find difficult through another pregnancy is the timeline and you will no doubt worry until you are holding your precious baby in your arms. Being aware of this issue, may enable you to distract yourself and get through the pregnancy without too much fear. I would say if you were feeling fearful, talk about your fears to a trusted individual. Also to your partner. Keep the lines of communication open between you so you both understand what the other is feeling. If necessary, get professional help. Put in place positive support systems that will empower you and your partner throughout the pregnancy. Your loss experience will be a worry but there is no rhyme nor reason why it should happen to you again.

Please write me again and let me know how things proceed, or write about your feelings. I will answer you and it would be my pleasure to one of your support systems.

All the very best.
Lynda

Feedback: August, 2005
My husband and I just had our second child two weeks ago and he died at birth due to trisomy 13. We are obviously going through a very tough time. We are talking about trying again as soon as all the grief and emotions die down. We obviously don't want to replace this precious baby. How long after a loss like this is it recommended to wait to try again? Sometimes I feel like I want to try now but is that me wanting to replace?

From Lynda: I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious son. Nothing can prepare any one for such a loss. Everything about it is so unfair.

I completely understand your feelings and confusion. I think there are two main considerations, 1) your mental and physical health. Your body needs to be completely recovered from your pregnancy and ready to try it again. Your doctor will be able to advise you in this regard. Your mental health is also important, so don't neglect yours or your partner's feelings and get the appropriate support if you feel you need it; and 2) Both you and your partner need to agree the time is right to try again. If one of you is not yet ready, it is important to communicate with each other and try to resolve those outstanding feelings before trying again.

Regarding 'replacing' your son, in my mind while we may fear that we are trying to 'replace' a baby, I don't think we are actually doing that. Children are not replaceable. What does happen is that we have a (very normal) deep need to fill our empty arms, but each child brings with him or her their own personality, input and joy. They are each unique. I think the wee son you lost will always be a part of your heart, regardless, and a new baby will not 'replace' him as we know that to mean. It's one great thing about Love, it is like saran wrap and can stretch to cover all of those important people in our lives both on Earth and in Heaven.

Enclosing very best wishes, peace and comfort.

Feedback: August, 2005:
I am sorry for all of these women's losses. I too am one of you. I lost my son at 29wks in Oct. 2004 and last month my husband left me. I just this week found out that I am Pregnant and I am scared to death that this baby will also be stillborn and since my husband's gone this is my last chance at a baby at least for awhile. They never found out the reason for my baby Jonathan's death but think it could have been a blood disorder lupus anitcoagulant that developed during pregnancy. I hope that this time will turn out differently since they are aware of my previous history. I recently was retested and no lupus anticoagulant traces came up. But i'm still scared. Do you think that it is possible to have a healthy baby after a stillbirth?

From Lynda: I am so sorry to hear of the losses that have occurred in your life. You certainly have had some very difficult situations thrown at you. Please take care of yourself, cry when you need to preferably on the shoulder of a good friend or trusted family member and, if necessary, do sign up for some professional counselling. In the long run someone trained in the loss field will be able to offer you great ideas for working with the traumatic losses you have suffered.

I am not a medical person, nor do I have knowledge of your personal situation. What I can tell you is that each pregnancy is different, even for the same woman. It sounds as if you are being followed closely and are in regular contact with your doctor. All of this is very good! There isn't any reason why things couldn't work out and I hope you are soon holding your precious baby in your arms.

I have an article on my Site regarding Grief and its Impact on a Marriage if you are interested in having a look at it at www.multiplebirthsfamilies.com It may be helpful.

Please be gentle with yourself.

Feedback: Feedback: June, 2005
I fell naturally pregnant at the age of 46 and a half. I lost my baby at 10 weeks. The baby had died at 6 or 7 wks inside me. I had to have a D&C I am so afraid this was my only chance at becoming pregnant. Is it possible that it can happen again? The pregnancy part that is.

Response from reader: Thank you so much for your kind response. I am in excellent health thank goodness.

From Lynda: I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your pregnancy. Nothing about that is easy. Each pregnancy is different, even for the same woman. As long as you have your period and are in good health, you could become pregnant. I know of some women menstruating into their mid-fifties.

I hope you get your heart's desire.

Feedback: Feedback: June, 2005
Hello, on 4/27/05, I gave birth to my first child, my daughter Kendall who was stillborn. I was 34 weeks pregnant at the time and gave birth vaginally. As hurtful as losing a child is, our faith in God has strengthened my husband and I. I'm 36 years old and was wondering how long should I wait to try to conceive from a physical standpoint? It has been 5 weeks and I'm not ready physically or emotionally and our desire to have more children was planned even before losing Kendall and is in no way an attempt to "replace" her for she is irreplacable. Any information that you can provide on the question posed would be greatly appreciated. Thanks ~ April

From Lynda: I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Kendall. What a beautiful name! I am sorry that she was unable to stay with you longer. You are right, the birth of another child does not replace the one who was lost. Give yourselves time. You need to heal both physically and mentally so that you are in the best position to think about trying again. I realize that you are no doubt also conscious of your biological clock. It is a concern but women menstruate well into their early 50s in some cases. Check with your doctor and s/he will be able to give you the nod regarding your physical health. My article states several other things to think about before beginning again, e.g. both you and your partner agree that the time is right, and see what works for the both of you.

Best wishes and I hope that you are soon holding your precious baby in your arms.

Feedback: May, 2005
I had a miscarriage April 14. I've been trying again but nothing. My question is how long does it take to get your period after a loss? It's been over five weeks now. thanks.

From Lynda: It will depend upon a number of things: How far along you were when you miscarried; your general health when you got pregnant and during the pregnancy; your body had begun to be and feel pregnant and now it has to switch gears and adjust to the fact that it is no longer pregnant. This takes time and how long will depend on each individual situation. Check with your doctor to find out how things stand for you personally. Relax, take a deep breath, do things you like to do, don't think about it, and nature will take its course.

Best wishes.

Feedback: May, 2005
I recently lost a child that only lived to be 20 days old and died of organ failure and me and my husband know that we want more childern but the emotions are running high and fear creeps in and we don't have a clue as to what we should do. Your article helped a little, and I just wanted to say thank you.

From Lynda: Hi, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your precious child. Nothing can prepare us for that pain, nothing. It removes our innocence and changes our future forever. Yes, emotions run high and any subsequent pregnancy will be hard as you 'travel' over parallel lines and the fears present their ugly faces at each stage. And of course children are not interchangeable so one child doesn't replace another but love is wonderful and can stretch to cover all of our children, those here on Earth and those in Heaven.

Go slowly. Talk to each other. Keep the lines of communication open. Know that each pregnancy is different, even for the same woman. Your next one could be a breeze. I know of families who've gone the other way, 2 or 3 healthy pregnancies and birth only to lose one. No rhyme or reason. Nothing makes sense.

Surround yoursleves with positive people, positive environment, face your grief and don't ignore it (let's face it, you were robbed! and nothing about it is fair and your baby didn't ask for expect not to stay with you). Sometimes 'the right' time is a feeling, sometimes it needs a little push. I sincerely hope that you will both come to a decision over time, feel somewhat safe and ready to try again and that you will soon be holding a different little baby in your arms.

Hugs,
Lynda

Feedback:
Thank you for a great article, it really answered alot of questions for me.

From Lynda: I am pleased that it was helpful to you.

Feedback: my question is how long after a miscarriage can you start to try again?

From Lynda: Hi, The article sets out suggested parameters for trying again. Not knowing your personal health situation, it would be impertinent for me to comment but the article will give you things to think about and consider before making your own decision.

Feedback: What is the time frame a person should wait to conceive after a stillborn birth? It is going on 4 weeks since I delivered Marti Frances, who was stillborn. We want to try again, but we weren't sure if there would be any complications with the birth or the child if we decided to try right away?

From Lynda: Hello. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious baby. Please accept my condolences.

There isn't a time frame per se but you need to consider your health. Your doctor can verify that your body is healthy and ready for you both (you and your partner) to begin trying again. This gives you and your baby the healthiest chance at the pregnancy.

The only other thing you may need to consider is whether or not you feel mentally ready to try again and then be pregnant. Both you and your partner need to be on the same page regarding trying again and feel completely comfortable with the idea. Your next pregnancy may be difficult for both of you and it isn't unheard of to get some counselling, from your physician perhaps, as milestones and possibly fears are worked through.

Very best wishes to you both.

Feedback: I had a miscarriage at about 6 weeks. I have had several blood tests to make sure my hcg level was decreasing, and it had gone back to 0 in about a week. I know now, about 2 weeks later, that I am ovulating, and want to know if I can start trying again?

From Lynda: Hi, I am sorry, I can't recommend when you can/should begin trying again but your doctor can, after a thorough check-up.

All the best.

Feedback: My 3rd child Lillian was born still at 35 weeks of pregnancy and I am curious, will it be harder to get pregnant again ? I have two healthy boys and the loss of my daughter before she was even born has made me rethink myself as a woman and hope that this isn't a sign I can not have another cause I think deep down a new child will help with the loss not as a way to replace my daughter but I carried her for 9 months and went through labor, all to not bring home a child and that emptiness is just tearing at me. Thank you. Kandace

From Lynda: Hi Kandace,

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your wee daughter. Nothing can ever prepare us for the loss of our child. Nothing about it is fair.

What most people don't know is that each pregnancy is different, even for the same woman. There is no reason at all why you can't or won't conceive again. Because of your situation, your doctor will follow you even more closely than before so as to always err on the side of caution. You are right that one child never replaces another, all are unique. Another child may help you, bring you some peace and comfort. While it is easy for me to say, please try not to blame yourself. Sometimes things are out of our control. Mother Nature makes a decree and we have nothing to say about it. You know in your heart that you would not knowingly hurt your children, so try not to blame yourself. This is not your fault.

Honour Lillian, make a donation in her name on her birth/death day if you wish or do some volunteer work in her name. This will help you feel better too. Your sons may need some answers - be honest, take time, make eye contact, use age-appropriate language to them. All of this honours Lillian.

Take it one day at a time. Time will let you know when you and your partner feel ready to try again. And as you have already had two wonderful children, you can always have another.

Very best wishes.

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