Answers: Vanishing Twin Syndrome

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Vanishing Twin Syndrome
Reader's Questions and Answers:

NOTE: Answers provided are of a general nature only and in no way reflect a medical opinion or diagnosis. If you are in doubt about any aspect of your pregnancy, please consult your physician immediately.

Feedback: February, 2010
Hi Lynda, In the beginning of my pregnancy I have had 3 sacs with embryo. One of them had no heartbeats at 7 weeks. We had pain over loosing one of them, but doctors said, now the remaining two have better chances to being healthy, and carry them full term. We were also releived the other two had strong hearbeats, simiral sizes, doing well. Had 12 weeks scan, both with perferct results, then had the next scan at week 18, both were healthy from head to toe, they have separate sacs. We were very happy, and from that on, I eased my mind, and let myself to enjoy (until that point I was a little skeptical and worried to loose them, so I did not let the feeling to get close to me) I couldn't imagine not to have two babies, also we found out they were both girls, we were very, very happy. I started to feel them moving at 17 weeks, which was a great feedback of their existance, usually I felt the kicks more on the left side. At 20 weeks, I started to feel no movement on the left side, and thought 'just in case' and ease my worry I would go for another U/S, even though two weeks before at week 18 when everything was great.... Well, the doctor who made the U/S said: - Yes, I understand why you did not feel the movements, very sorry, but Baby A is not alive. The other one is doing all right, growing well to the gestational age. He said we have lost the Baby A for a week or two. I was in complete shock, I did not expect this. We were heartbroken for the one we lost, and also very worried for the alive Baby B. I still don't understand how can this happen with perfect results. I started to find faults in myself, if I had done something wrong, but still don't know what has happened. I had/have to be strong for the living one, she is my little hope. I'm 27 week along now, but still have big worry, if it could happen again? Is there an effect on the alive one? Can it cause infection or any other damage to Baby B? I have to give myself Fraxiparine shots every day, avoiding bloodclotting. Is that enough, no antibiotics needed? To be honest the doctors didn't give me much hope, they did not want to scare me so they rather did not say much...all I knew they did not have much or no experience with a case like this. As weeks passing by, I start to belive everything can be ok, and we can have a perfectly healthy little girl after all. Have you heard about somebody loosing a twin around 20 weeks, if so, is there any other treatment I can do to avoid any infection? Do you think I can do vaginal birth in this case (my doctor start to tell me I can), or there would be any chance of the healthy one to get infected during birth from the other one? Thank you in advance. Niki

From Lynda: Hello Niki,

I am so sorry to hear all that you have been through. Kinda like being pulled through a knothole backwards. There is nothing about losing a child at any stage that makes it easy to handle. Plus in our minds, we have walked, bathed, fed, these babies as well as showing them off to family and friends. It is so hard to lose that special fantasy.

Please know I am not medically trained, nor do I have personal knowledge of your medical situation. I have been working with multiple-birth parents for over 27 years and have learned a few things over the years. You state you are 27 weeks, which is really good. Your baby is now viable and if born now, has a very good chance at being healthy. In truth still more time in utero would be ideal though to allow the lungs to properly develop and for her to put on more weight. Because you have lost two out of three, you should be considered high risk and carefully monitored until birth. You could expect to deliver early, i.e. before 38 weeks. That would be normal for someone in your situation. There should absolutely be no infection and your doctor will be monitoring you carefully to make sure all is well.

You did nothing wrong. It is not your fault, nor the fault of either of the other babies. Loss like this is Mother Nature's way of handling the situation when something is physically wrong with that particular fetus. It is completely outside of our control and is not your fault at all! Please be gentle with yourself.

Yes, I have heard of someone losing a twin in a late term pregnancy and I have an article on my Site, One is Alive, One is Not, which addresses some of the issues which can be faced in that situation. Check it out and see if it makes anything clearer for you and your husband. www.multiplebirthsfamilies.com If after reading it you have any further questions, please contact me again.

The big thing is that you will no doubt need a death plan as well as birth plan for your delivery. Ask yourselves some questions: do you want to see the baby? should you see the baby? - the choice is yours and your husband's. Be prepared that you may have different answers. There is no right or wrong way to handle this. It just has to work for each of you. Discussion with hospital staff at the time of birth can help you with the decision. Further the nurses can wrap the baby's remains so you can see only her face, hands, feet, should you wish. You can also take photos, or ask the hospital to take them for you. You may wish to photograph the girls together as this is the only time they will be together. The choice is yours and don't let anyone push you into anything you would rather not do or even to give up your daughter too soon. There is no unreasonable time limit that you can keep her with you.

As I noted, if you have more questions, please don't hesitate to contact me again.

I am so sorry for your losses
Hugs, Lynda

Feedback: February, 2010
I am currently 9 weeks pregnant. I was bleeding at 8 weeks, had an early scan and was told that as well as a healthy baby, there was also an empty sac. I have now stopped bleeding but don't know what to expect; will the empty sac just dissapear or could it harm the healthy baby? I think they said the empty sac was "just behind the baby" does this mean it is more likely to be a problem? I really don't think that the professionals provided me with much nformation on what was happening. VT was not mentioned at all. I am so worried as I had a miscarriage 6 months ago and I don't think I could go through it again. I would be grateful for any advice. Thankyou.

From Lynda: i There,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and what you are going through. Am also sorry you were not given supportive information, resources or feedback so that you could understand what has happened. It is important for your to know it is not your fault, and nothing you or your surviving twin did caused this to happen. VT usually means that the embryo was unhealthy to begin with and was unable to properly attach itself to the uterine wall to get the nutrition it needed to grow and develop. This is nature's way of taking care of a difficult situation but that doesn't make it any easier emotion wise. If your surviving baby is healthy, then things should progress very well. "Just behind the baby" means nothing more than the location of the empty sac. It could be beside, left or right, above, below or in front. That information is just the location. I am really sorry that they did not take more time to let you integrate the information of the loss and then give you time to ask questions. It's really simple actually, but not everyone thinks about it, sadly. At this stage, your body will absorb the empty sac and the pregnancy should progress to a healthy birth. Seeing as you have had a miscarriage in the past and now VT, I would insist that my doctor follow me closely until birth, so that you and s/he knows how things are progressing and IF there are any issues, they can step in an opportune moment. If your doctor is not receptive to this idea and in helping keep your stress and anxiety levels down, then I would find myself another doctor. You and your doctor need to be on the same page and you must have the utmost trust in his/her decisions. If not, then advocate on behalf of your baby's health and your own and find a new doctor, one who will listen to you. Your worries are normal but timely answers can help. Best wishes, Lynda

Feedback: January, 2010
I just found out that I was supposed to be a twin. My mother said that she [lost] it at 4 months!!! What I don't get is that she said that I absorbed it!! How does one baby absorb another when it's a pretty much a whole baby?!! Am I some sort of monster or something?!!

From Lynda: Hi There, Firstly, you are NOT a monster. What happened was beyond your and your's mother's control. A fetus, and you both would have been fetuses at 4 months, that does not survive was unhealthy to begin with. It's demise is nature's way of taking care of such circumstances, thereby discouraging a birth, i.e. the fetus was not healthy as you were. Another of nature's ways is that when it is invaded by something that is not good for the body, the host body begins to break it down to either reabsorb it or it gets infected (think of a splinter) and then can be expelled because of the infection. Reabsorption of a deceased fetus 9 times out of 10 is by the mother's body and not any surviving fetus(es). In rare circumstances the survivor does have a "growth" or residue of its twin, but these are very rare and as such often make the headlines. It is the mother's body who begins the breakdown process and because your Mom was so far along in her pregnancy, there MAY have been something left at your birth, if only a thickening on the placenta. Unless healthcare providers knew to look for something, it may not have even been noticed. You don't mention how old you are and certainly 25 years ago and more, they wouldn't have necessarily looked for anything. Also at 4 months you and your twin would have been no bigger than a green grape, hardly "a baby" as our mind's would believe plus I suspect that when your twin died, it would have been even smaller because it was not healthy and not receiving the nutrition it needed to grow and properly develop, as you did. Please know you are not a monster but a survivor of a situation that was controlled by Mother Nature. I am truly sorry for your loss.

Sincerely, Lynda

Feedback: November, 2007
I just want to thank you for this site. 5 years ago I was pregnant with my 2nd child and I was positive for the first 16 weeks that it was a girl. At or around 16 weeks all of a sudden that "feeling" changed and I knew it was a boy. Had the same "feelings" with my first and they were correct. I went about my pregnancy with #2 as normal, but always wondering why my "feeling" changed. Well he was born at 40 weeks and I almost died. What no one knew was that I had a 2nd complete placenta with no baby. I was told that my son was probably a twin but early in the pregnancy it passed. I was very happy to have a healthy baby but confused as to what happened with the other and why no one knew! It put me in danger since I had lost so much blood while trying to deliver the 2nd placenta. I now have the answers I was searching for! Thank you.

From Lynda: Thank you for taking the time to write. I am glad that you found some solace in this article. It is thought that many more of us began life as at least twins than was previously thought and that it isn't that uncommon for a woman to drop two eggs within a menstral cycle. It is interesting about the hunches you had about the sexes of your babies. I am very sorry for your loss.

Feedback: October, 2007
Hi!! At 6 weeks the doc noticed via a vaginal ultrasound that there were twins...but he warned that one did not look viable. So, a week later, at 7 weeks, I began cramping and bleeding. I went in the next morning and the remaining baby looked good and had a strong heartbeat. This was on Thursday. The cramps were pretty severe Thurs. and Friday...lessening Sat. and today (Sun.) However, I still have mild cramps that come and go and when I sit down to use the restroom, dark red blood and clotting - which doesn't really come out unless I am on the toilet. My doc said there is no way to tell how long my body would bleed and I won't see him until Thursday. Just wondering if you think that four days of this is normal and if it will affect my remaining baby. I can't imagine all the bleeding is good for it! Thanks so much!! Allie

From Lynda: I am sorry to hear of your situation. Each pregnancy is different, even for the same woman and as you might know from your friends, each cycle can affect a woman differently. Your bleeding and cramping should slowly taper off. How long that would take is individual. If your second fetus is healthy, and your doctor can confirm your situation, this loss should have no effect on the remainder of your pregnancy. If your second fetus is in its own sac (and once again, your doctor can confirm), and the loss of its co-sibling should not affect it. I am sorry for your loss.

Feedback: October, 2007
I wish to begin by thanking you. I am so comforted by your website and the information I have found here about VTS. Like so many of the women who have given their testimonies on your website, I lost one of my twins too. It seems it happened at 8 weeks. Luckily (I suppose), I found out about this at my 12 weeks ultrasound and had not been previously informed I was carrying twins. So the news was not as devestating, since I hadn't gotten my head or heart around the idea of two babies and my doctor quickly shifted the focus onto the healthy living one I knew of all along. Since then, the sadness of my loss has struck harder and I am left asking myself so many questions about this second baby which I continue to carry. First of all, should I consider this still a multiple pregnancy if the second fetus is not re-absorbed? And do I classify the loss as a miscarriage? And is it ok if my husband does not wish to aknowledge this loss? I live outside of the US and doctors here don't seem to consider VTS as something worthy of discussion or documentation. I continue to be thrilled about the live healthy baby I am expecting in April, but simply don't know what to think and conclude about the other. I look forward to your reply. And again... thank you.

From Lynda: You are very welcome and I am very pleased to hear that the information you found was of use. That has certainly been my goal, i.e. to provide information in easy to understand language and personal stories so that we can help each other. Another reason for this article is to teach others, including professionals such as doctors, nurses, funeral directors, family and friends that having VT can be a very devastating experience. The effect on the psyche is only just being understood, thankfully, but we still have a long way to go. I believe we continue to have what we conceived. Even for a short period of time your little one was alive, as an embryo, but that did not mean s/he wasn't living albeit for a short period of time. It is OK, should you wish to do so, to continue to think of this as a multiple pregnancy, which has gone awry through no fault of your own. What usually happens is that embryo was not healthy and/or properly attached to the uterine wall to receive adequate nutrition to grow and develop. This is nature's way of putting the focus on, and giving the best chance to, the healthy embryo. It is generally felt that if a loss occurs before about 12 weeks gestation, it is called Vanishing Twin (in a multiple pregnancy), between 12 and 22 weeks, a miscarriage and after that a stillbirth.

It may be safe to assume the doctor skipped over the empty sac as he believed he was protecting you. That isn't a bad thing, but sometimes I wonder if we do folks a favour when we skip over things rather than help them face them. It's difficult to know for sure.

Men and women grieve differently and we each need to do what we each need to do. It can be more difficult for a woman because her body does the carrying and experiences the hormonal changes. She therefore may feel differently about a loss at any stage. Men often still feel society has an expectation about their behaviour and an early loss may be difficult for them to incorporate into their lives. Or some men "get busy" and build and hammer to deal with their emotions. Some feel they have let their partners down because they could not protect her from this pain of loss, so by ignoring the whole issue, they can feel they might be doing her a favour. Communication between partners is always helpful so that each can understand what the other is feeling and not have to draw their own conclusions and/or personalize what is happening. If you can get your husband to talk, it could be helpful all around. No accusations, no finger pointing, just sharing, caring and maybe holding each other for soothing. Tears may or may not happen.

If you think you might need some support to help with the loss of your baby, consider some grief counselling as a couple or go alone. It won't be wasted and while you continue to be thrilled about your healthy baby, it might allow you to be able to learn to handle this loss and while it never goes away, it does go to a wee place within us where we can think about what should have been but move forward at the same time. It doesn't mean some days won't be difficult or others won't understand us but we don't always have to have others understand. What is important is that we do what WE need to do to heal and be the best (including parent) we can be. It takes practice but each day is a new day with no mistakes in it so we get to try again. Which is really cool.

Do write to me again if you feel the need. I hope this gives you a place to begin and I wish you peace, comfort and much joy in the new baby who is coming to live at your house.

Lynda

Feedback: August, 2007
HI, I'm Tammy,I've read most of the articles. This is my first time talking about my pregnancy with twins. I was five monthis when I found out that one of my twin boys had passed away within a month's time of going back to get my six months' checkup and ultrasound. I was never told why this happens but I would like to know someday.

From Lynda: You didn't leave an address for an answer, so I do hope this reaches you. VT occurs by about week 12, you are way past that. Have a look at the article One is Alive and One is not on my Site and it may have more pertinent information for you. You are allowed to request copies of your medical records and they help you understand one of your boys passed away. Please note that there is not always an answer, especially how long there is between the death and your delivery of your second baby. There can be such deterioration that an answer for death cannot be found. Please also know that it is not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes unfair things happen and this is one of those times. I am so sorry for your loss and hope that your surviving little boy helps to fill some of the void left by the loss of his brother. Big hug!

Feedback: August, 2007
At 6 weeks we found out we were pregnant with twins. My husband and I were so excited because we wanted to have more children (we had a daughter already). We were scared at first because we wondered if we would be able to handle twins but as time went on we got more and more excited. When I went in for my 12 week ultrasound the ultrasound tech started to look at my babies and we heard both heartbeats. She then momentarily stopped the ultrasound to check her computer to see which baby was Baby A and which was Baby B. When she started the ultrasound again, she could only hear one heartbeat even though both my babies were still there. My Baby B had died at that moment. She tried desperately to find a heartbeat and even went and recruited the help of other ultrasound techs to try and find it. She kept telling the other 2 utlrasound techs that the heartbeats were both there and now she could only hear one. I was devasted! I wondered if perhaps this was a punishment for questioning whether or not I could handle twins. I cried so much that day and for the next couple of weeks. It has now been 8 months since that loss and I have since delivered my Baby A and she is beautiful! Though my heart will always miss my beautiful Baby B and though I will never forget that I had twins inside of me, I will always look at my vanishing twin as a guardian angel for the little angel I was blessed with. I know how hard it is and I know that though other people try to be helpful, they have no idea what you are going through. Rejoice in the blessing you DO receive and I hope this gives comfort to anyone who is going through this great loss. Thank you for listening.

From Lynda: Hello, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious baby. I wanted to let you know that losing this little one is not your fault. No one can cause things to happen just by thinking about them. It is as if you thought about robbing a bank and then someone robs that bank. You might have thought about, but the fact that it was robbed isn't your fault. It is true that you have the blessing of a little baby, but the thing is, you were promised two. Of course you want what you were promised. That makes perfect sense and while we can take joy in what we did receive, the heart continues to ache for a little someone who did not get a fair chance at life. Please permit yourself time to grieve, time to mourn in spite of the lack of understanding around you. If necessary, get professional help, even for a little while. If you need to, tell others children are not interchangeable and you have feelings for all of your children, including this little one not present with you on earth to be a family.

Wishing you well in this time of grief.

Feedback: July, 2007
I am blessed with twin boys that are nearing their fifteenth birthday, and have had two singleton pregnancies since. A couple of weeks after my youngest son turned one in December 2006 I discovered that a surprise was on the way. At an ultrasound at 8 weeks the technician asked *Do you see what I see?* and I thought I was going to faint-it was twins, again! They were measuring right on target and both had strong heartbeats, and more importantly they had their own placentas and sacs. I went searching for my husband on his postal route to show him the pictures, I couldn't wait until that night to tell him our news! As the next few weeks went on I had two more sonograms at a perinatolgist's office as I was seen as high risk because of my age (36). I actually got the nuchal screening done twice, because they felt the first was done a little early. The results were wonderful, and I was actually feeling occasional movement by both babies at that point (confirmed during a scan....one of the babies flipped as the tech was pushing down with the wand and we both felt it). We were on cloud nine, and was feeling confidant as I entered my second trimester. Then, at my 16 week appointment my doctor couldn't find Twin A's heartbeat. I had a terrible feeling that something was wrong because I had actually felt different...less pregnant...in the last week or so. My doctor reassured me that A was probably hiding behind B, and I reasoned that it was possible since both babies' heartbeats were virtually the same. I was told to come back in two days for a scan (tech is only in the office on certain days).I was scared to death the day I went in..yet in the back of my mind I felt I was worrying over nothing, I just couldn't fathom that one of our babies had possibly died when things were going so well. The tech quickly scanned over Twin A and honed in on B's heart and started talking about how well the baby looked. At that moment I knew something was wrong, so I told her I knew that B was doing well as I could feel him/her and I wanted to see A. She went back to the baby and said *I'm so sorry, but your baby has died.* What I felt at that moment I hope to never experience again. The ache in my heart was worse than any I had ever felt before. She estimated that he/she died around 14 1/2 weeks. The baby looked so peaceful, curled up like he/she was just sleeping. She was sweet and printed a picture for me, and then went back to Twin B to do a thorough scan. It was then that I found out we were expecting a girl, and that she looked wonderful. I was happy, but not like I should have been. Instead I cried for my lost child, I wanted answers that couldn't be given. I had been rear-ended a week before Twin A had died, but had went in that day and they had found both heartbeats on the doppler and I wasn't having any pain or bleeding so all my doctors think it had nothing to do with it. I was told that I may bleed or cramp, and that Twin A would probably reabsorb so there wouldn't be anything left to test after the birth. I have been monitored closely, and have slowly watched my little girl grow while her brother/sister still remains. Now that I'm 35 weeks, I have been told that I will deliver Twin A (named Jordan) after the live twin (Alexandria), but they really don't know what to expect. They also couldn't tell me what we need to do to make arrangements since the loss occurred before 20 weeks. We can't afford any type of burial, and I was told by my one of my doctors that it may not be worth the cost to have him/her cremated. But I most certainly am not going to allow the hospital to just *dispose* of our child either. Every day I tell myself that I am going to call a funeral home, but I can never bring myself to pick up the phone.

Some days are better than others, some family and friends have been better about the situation than others. I have been told to get over it and to focus on my live children, yet they can't possibly fathom what it feels like to carry a child that lives and one that has died. I've already been through the shock and anger, and am able to focus more on the coming birth of our daughter, and am so grateful that she's doing well...yet I feel cheated. I should be preparing for two babies, not one.

From Lynda: Hello Tasha,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious daughter. Nothing about it is fair. In the area I live, there are couple of funeral homes who do not charge for funerals of babies and children under 2 years of age. Why don't you see if it is similar where you live? It could help and knowing she is lovingly taken care of, no matter what, would be consoling. Also, ask it they can try to get foot and/or hand prints. Sometimes it is possible, sometimes it is not. At least you could have that if possible. As far as the birth is concerned, ask the hospital staff to advise you and your husband at delivery. Depending on how things go, the staff can advise you in this regard. Sometimes it is better not to see so that that particular image is not in your mind forever, but your little daughter, curled up and "sleeping" in utero is a lovely memory. It doesn't make you love her any less if you decide not to see her.

Please write me again if you feel the need. I will answer. Also, I write a monthly e-newsletter for bereavement parents and to be on the distribution list of Forever Angels is free for any bereaved family. Let me know if you would like to be included.

I sincerely hope your birth goes well and if you need help with a birth and death plan, I am willing to walk you through some ideas and I am sure your doctor and hospital staff will also be great resources.

Enclosing peace, comfort and a huge hug,
Lynda

Feedback: June, 2007 Hi- I learned this when I was pregnant with my third child(1983) My mom and I were talking and she said her water broke in her 6th month with me and the dr. put her on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. I had told her she should have delivered me within 24 hrs. for me to be normal..alive. But she said no I was full term. Later she told me her dr. said I was most likely a twin and she lost my twin in her 6th month. I have O neg. blood and I had rhogam shots after my last 3 children. She also found out later her blood type was also O neg. she always thought it was something else. It could explain why I was not miscarried. Her and I shared the blood type, and the twin was not, possibly. When I was young-(especially) and adulthood I always felt alone..like something was missing, but when my mom told me my history -I had an awakening to why I had those feelings and I no longer had that unknown feeling..like opening a door. An understanding now. My mom had many miscarriages. I should have had 7-8 siblings, but just my brother and I and he was her first. She had lost 2 other sets of twins. All explained by her O neg. blood type. It is sad to figure out after 26-30 years why one lost so many babies. It was before the O neg. research and the rhogam shots. I am thankful I am here to talk about it..and I feel I am not alone. Thanx for your articles and research and advice--->Peggy Sue

From Lynda: I am sorry to hear of all of the losses you have experineced in your life, and to your parents too. I am glad learning of your history gave you some peace and resolution.

Feedback: April, 2007
Is it possible that "the vanishing twin phenomenon" could leave some "imprints" in the mind and in the soul of the survived baby? Is it possible that, in the very first years of his life, in his childhood (and even when he's grown up), the survived baby may feel "the loss" of the vanishing twin? Could he feel a strange feeling of "something/someone missing", a gloomy feeling which has no apparent connection (or real cause) with his current life? Thanks a lot. Alessandra (Italy)

From Lynda: You've asked a difficult question because the "truth" is hard to prove. There are some folks who began life in the womb with one or more wombmates. Ultrasound confirmed more than one embryo. By about 12th week gestation things dramatically changed and one embryo "vanished." Some, but not all, of these survivors indicate they experienced: loneliness; emptiness; always searching the crowds; having no one to "watch my back;" something missing (as you noted). As you can appreciate these types of feelings are difficult to confirm but if an individual is experiencing them, then they are usually deemed to have some validity.

On the other hand, many of us have had imaginary friends in childhood or felt lonely perhaps because their parents moved around a lot (e.g. military), or perhaps because they did not easily make friends. We can feel empty for a variety of reasons: illness, I hope this doesn't cause too much uproar, but what about poor parenting and/or lack of bonding with the parent(s)? You can see how complicated it can be.

One can't rule out a VT but I have another suggestion: what about living life to be the best one can be? We cannot control every aspect of our lives and in fact, some questions have no answers, so what if we focused on positive things, places, people, careers and so on. Sometimes we can become so focused on confirming, or trying to change things from the past, we neglect the present and future.

I hope these thoughts are helpful.

Feedback: October, 2006
Earlier you said that we need to pay attention to positive feedback, but I am so scared that I am going to experience VTS that I am thinking of calling my doctor and moving up my next dr. appt, so that I can see for myself that they are fine. I found out I was pregnant with twins at 8 weeks, it was a BIG shock for me, but now I am so excited I can't stand it, but every time I log onto the internet to find something out about my multiple pregnancy articles on VTS pop up and I feel like it is a "sign" or something, I know I am being paranoid, but do you think I am over reacting or should I really move up my appt. OH yeah, both of the sacs are seperated, but you can clearly see 2 babies. Destiny

From Lynda: Hi, thank you for your note. I can sure tell you are scared and I am very sorry to 'hear' that. You don't say how far along you are at the moment but I assume you are closer to 10 weeks. VT happens, IF it is going to happens, occurs by about week 12. 2 more weeks puts you past this period. How can I encourage you to see the glass as half full rather than half empty? Just because you read about VT, doesn't mean you will get it. The majority of twin pregnancies proceed just fine, and you have a very good chance of getting through this very nicely. I have a rule, I don't worry until I have to. I'd like to let you borrow the use of my rule for as long as you need to - honestly, there is no reason at all why things can't be fine. Positive thoughts, being proactive by learning about a twin pregnancy, knowing your nutrition needs, keeping regular doctor's appointments, listening to your body, knowing the sign and symptoms of a premature labour and that your partner does too, doing your homework, sitting back, relaxing and enjoying your pregnancy are all helpful choices. Please consider relaxing - being stressed is not helpful and will certainly not make your pregnancy shorter and, when they arrive and if you consider breast feeding, stress is one of the inhibitors of milk production (you also need plenty of fluids and frequent nursing to build your supply - lots of great articles on my Site). The choice is yours and you are making it for your babies too. Life is good and there is no reason why yours can't be too.

Very best wishes.

Feedback: October, 2006
Great article. Just had a grandson who was a twin. The vanishing twin was lost in the first trimester. What is your feeling about the remaining twin remembering his twin. Is there a lifelong sadness on his part.

From Lynda: Thank you for your comments. You have asked one of the most difficult questions and I will try to explain. It has been documented from week 18 gestation to 5 years old that multiples in utero are aware of each other and their 'personalities' continue outside the womb. We also know that babies, toddlers and children are influenced by the moods, feedback and leanings of the adults around them. Children do not have a concrete feeling about what death actually is and 'never coming back' until the age of about six years. Children also benefit from age-appropriate, truthful responses, especially for what I call "Big Secrets." Adoption would be one, as would, "You once had a twin." Surviving co-multiples whom have written me later in life when they found out their beginning, i.e. late teens and so on, or from someone else by accident, well, many have been angry for not being told the truth and wonder what else they haven't been told - even though their families around them may have had the best of intentions. Some read a lot into their past life, e.g. constantly lonely, always looking, empty, misunderstood and such. It is nearly impossible to accurately access such feelings and it is also impossible not to respect such feelings. I believe that sharing a person's beginnings, in a healthy, age-appropriate way, is much better and easier for co-surviviors. The danger, I feel, is leaning too much on what should have been and, even inadvertently, causing the survivor to try to keep his parents happy, or carry the parents' burden of unresolved grief. It's a line to walk and be aware of. Getting professional help and support if necessary, is important and healthy.

In short, no, there does not have to be a 'lifelong sadness' for your grandson. It all depends on the knowledge, ability, love, understanding, availability and acceptance of the loving adults around him. We can take this opportunity to teach a survivor to celebrate, respect, appreciate and even cry for their lost co-multiple but it doesn't have to impede their lives. In return, they learn empathy, sympathy, about loss - all of which are difficult feelings to convey to a child. Such is one of the many gifts that a deceased multiple leaves behind, again, in my opinion.

One more little warning, your living grandson needs not be burdened with survivor's guilt. "Why him and not me?" It is realistic that he asks and "I don't know" is an acceptable answer. "We wish it could have been different so that we could all be together." I am sure you understand what I mean.

Your grandson is lucky to have such an intuitive grandparent. May he bring joy and comfort to your life.

Feedback: September, 2006
Hi, I have a question. I just went to the my first doctor's visit. The doctor did an ultrasound and found two sacs. There is definitely a baby in one and the other she said is empty. She says that I shouldn't feel that I have lost a baby, that the baby was just never there, she then referred to this condition as Vanishing Twins? Is she wrong about not losing a baby? I know that I sure felt as though I had had a loss (I had thought that I was carrying twins-intuition I guess-but had not been told that yet). Now after doing a lot of research on "vanishing twins" I am feeling even more like there is a loss. I am really confused. Beth

From Lynda: Hi, I am so sorry to hear of the dilemma you are facing. You don't say how early the ultrasound was. In my opinion, we have what we conceive, even if there is an unexplained loss. Usually why an embryo does not grow and develop is because it was unable to properly adhere to the uterine wall to properly grow and develop or because it has anomalies, possibly severe. It is nature's way. It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Very early ultrasounds, while they can tell you you are pregnant and with how many, the downside is that things can dramatically change in a short period of time. That does not always feel fair.

I also believe it is OK to grieve any loss but as long as it feels right for you. No doubt your doctor is trying to protect you as the loss is early. However you wish to feel about it, is right. Such a loss should not affect the rest of your pregnancy with the other fetus if it is healthy and your doctor can confirm that as your pregnancy proceeds. I hope this is helpful.

Feedback: August, 2006
I enjoyed the article. I have long suspected that my now 20 year old daughter was a survivor of this phenomenon. At birth the doctor startled me with the statement that he had never seen any thing like this before. What he was referring to was basically two placentas. the first tapered to a fine point and the second started at that point. Twins supposedley did run in my wife's family. Our daughter has had no major medical problems and will be married next year. Do you think that we should bring this up in conversation for her behalf

From Lynda: You have asked an extremely difficult question which you and your wife are best able to answer as you know your daughter best. 20 years ago VT wasn't understood and you could certainly let her know that you would have brought up the subject sooner if you had realized the impact of the feedback you received about the two placentas at her birth. Be aware that it is very difficult to learn something as important as this later in life, but the fact that you did not know its importance at the time is key when (if) you talk to her. You might wish to talk to her in order to let her know that she could have at least twins - if they run down your wife's side of the Family Tree, it will also be a chance for your daughter to conceive, fraternals (dizygotics), that is. The woman needs to release at least two eggs, so dizygotics run through the mother's side. You can also request the hospital delivery records from the birth, which may provide some other thoughts from the doctor.

There is no reason why your daughter should have any medical problems as VT does not affect the other twin, providing that embryo was healthy to begin with and most are.

As I noted, you know your daughter best re speaking to her. Also important, both you and your wife need to agree to let her know. If she needs to learn more about her situation, I have lots of information on my Site about surviving co-multiples and she can contact me if she needs.
Very best wishes.
www.multiplebirthsfamilies.com

Feedback:
May, 2006
I had a miscarriage in December of 05, and was upset and crying because it was my 2nd miscarriage. I was still within 12 weeks so the hospital let me "carry it out naturally". I just found out I am over 5 months pregnant! I had lost 3 family members and my boyfriend in the last 4 months and thought my changes were due to stress, so when I finally went in, they told me I was pregnant! Thank god I found this website otherwise I'd still be wondering what the heck is going on and why it doesn't seem to be a big deal that it occurred. (I wish I had asked for an ultrasound to avoid the stress and depression that occurred after my "loss") thanks for your site, no reply needed

From Lynda: Enclosing very best wishes and may you find some peace and comfort. I am sorry for your losses.

Feedback: May, 2006
I am 19 wks pregnant with 2 previous misscarriages (and 3 wonderful adopted children). After light spotting at 6 wks I was told I was pregnant with twins and one was vanishing. They said that could be the reason for the spotting I had. Then at 11 1\2 weeks I had a severe hemorage, sending to the hostpital for a 3 night stay. When I hemoraged It felt just as though I had broke my water, but after two ultrasounds the remaining twin looked great with no problems, The doctor thought the bleeding could be related to a less than 5% tear in my placenta although she couldn't see any for sure sign of this. I bled again 3 weeks later (much lighter this time) and had another ultersound, showing a healthy fetus once again. Is it possible that what I experieced was the other sac expelling? Thanks for your imput! Lori

From Lynda: I am sorry, I am not able to speculate on medical questions. I urge you to speak to your doctor and ask him/her the questions you need to ease your mind.

Feedback: April, 2006
I was 5 weeks pregnant and had an appointment with my obgyn. The night before my appointment I started spotting. I didn't think anything of it because i spotted with my sons pregnancy as well. The morning of my appointment i started bleeding heavily. I had a vaginal ultrasound done and the nurse said that she didn't even see a sac. But, she also said that I wasnt that far a long so it is hard to see a sac that soon. That night I started to bleed heavier, and had severe pain as well. I saw my doctor again the next morning and he said that he saw some tissue that i had passed. He was pretty confident that I had miscarried. Now it is 5 days later and I still feel pregnant. Is it possible that I was pregnant with twins and I lost one, and one is still alive? Thank you so much

From Lynda: I am sorry, I cannot comment. I have no knowledge of your personal medical situation and everything would be speculative. Your doctor would be the best person to consult with and, of course, time will also answer your question. Best wishes.

Feedback: April, 2006
I had an ultrasound at 12 weeks of pregnancy. It showed only one baby,but I am having the symptoms of having multiple. My doctor did the ultrasound less than 5 minute and never move a bit. She checked for the heartbeat and placenta and that`s all. Could she probably missed the other baby?

From Lynda: I am sorry, I have no knowledge of your personal medical situation and cannot comment. Your doctor is the best person to answer your question.

Feedback: April, 2006
I was told I was having twins at 10 weeks by an ultrasound, I keep hearing horror stories of people miscarrying or losing one and vanishing twins. When will I be out of the woods to worry about a vanishing twin? Is it usually early, before 12 weeks, or later?

From Lynda: One thing about human nature, folks love to share horror stories. Interrupt them and let them know you only want/need to hear positive things. You are not required to listen to such stories. Positive attitudes are so important in many areas of our lives and when you are stressed, well so are your babies. Also, why couldn't your pregnancy be just fine? Don't worry unless you have to - that is my philosophy.

VT, if it is going to occur, does so by about week 12. Take charge of your life and remain positive.
Very best wishes.

Feedback: February, 2006
My daughter had triplets. Two fertilised embryos were implanted but in the 5th week one divided into identical twins with proper heart beat and separate sac but single placenta. So the third is doing fine as an independent with solo placenta and sac but the identical twins were found to be dead in 02-02-2006 ultrasound in the 15th week. Doc said one perished two weeks earlier and the other a week later. As the grandfather, it was a great shock. My question is will it affect my daughter's health and what will happen to the dead fetuses? Your article was of great help in removing my fears. THANK YOU. If possible please give some more detail regarding the future impact of the dead identical twins and the third surviving baby.

From Lynda: Hi, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandchildren. It has to be so difficult. I think what has happened is that your daughter has suffered Vanishing Twin as a result of the identical (monozygotic) babies having Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). VT occurs by about week 12, if it is going to happen and together with TTTS, this could have been the problem. I have articles on my Site on VT and TTTS at www.multiplebirthsfamilies.com which will give you further details.

I am sure that the doctor will be following your daughter very closely until birth. I am not a medical person nor do I have knowledge of your daughter's personal medical situation. My comments are based on experience of over 20 years and her doctor is the best one to confirm or discount any theories. If one baby was to have 'vanished' it, usually does not affect either the mother or her other baby(ies). When the deceased balance is greater than the live, the situation takes a possible different slant and the situation and its prognosis needs to be confirmed with her doctor. If either one or both is what happened in your daughter's situation, it is no one's fault. She didn't do anything wrong nor did the healthcare professionals. Both VT and TTTS are random acts of nature. In order to give the surviving co-multiple the best chance to survive, she can stack as many cards in their favour as possible. These include: eat nutritiously, do not smoke nor be around any secondhand smoke, do not use any alcohol; keep all regular doctor's appointments; ask questions until they get answers they can understand; learn as much as they can about their situation so that if they need to make informed decisions, they will be prepared. She needs to listen to her body, rest and if necessary, quit working. The doctor can advise in this regard. Even so, there are no guarantees but she will know she has done her best to give her child the best chances possible.

For yourself and other family members, be available, listen, hold her/her husband (ask about him too - these are his babies too and so often Dad and his feelings are missed), inform yourself about her situation so that you can understand and respond appropriately, continue to be supportive and loving. Be prepared to talk about such issues as naming them, potential funerals and how to handle them, how to remember the babies (e.g. donations, memorial boxes [which could include sympathy cards, poems, baby booties which were purchased for their use], and so on), don't be afraid to mention them and how sad you feel. The sorrow is in not mentioning them and thinking that you are protecting the parents from feeling sad but the truth is they are are sad! They were robbed and it is important to acknowledge their babies' lives, no matter how short.

I am available at any time should you wish to write to me again. I sincerely hope - and there is no reason why it can't be OK - that things work out and that you are soon all enchanted by this precious child, even though in the midst of sorrow.

Hugs,
Lynda

Feedback: October, 2005
What are HCG levels like in vanishing twin syndrome?

From Lynda: I am sorry, this is not a question I can answer. Each woman is different and so is her pregnancy, even for the same woman. Your doctor is the best person to ask.

Feedback: October, 2005
I am curently 11 weeks pregnant. We lost one of the babies in my 7th week. I'm high risk to begin with but since the miscarriage of the twin, they are treating my pregnancy as a "threatened miscarriage." I'm on bed rest and see the doctor again Nov 2. I'm worried I will miscarry again (do you know the precentage of miscarring after losing a twin?) because if the doctor isnt treating me the way she should, how can I be sure I'm getting the right care? I'm still pregnant. Why do some doctors make everything so impersonal? I'm in the process of finding a new doctor. I just hope I can find one who really cares. I'm glad I found this site. Thank you for taking the time to help us better understand.

From Lynda: I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I need to let you know that I am not a medical person, nor do I have knowledge of your personal situation. I can comment generally however. Early ultrasounds can confirm our pregnancy and with how many. The situation can all completely change by about week 12 gestation in that at least one fetus doesn't make it. When this occurs, usually the doctor will follow that mother more closely just to be sure there are no complications and the rest of the pregnancy is uneventful to a healthy birth. VT does not usually affect the remaining fetus(es). I can't guess why you would be labelled 'threatened miscarriage' but the doctor may know something you don't. I would certainly ask a lot of questions in that regard, until I understood my situation. Your doctor may also not be aware of VT. You could print the article and take it to her, for her information.

I think I can read between the lines of your story that you are really worried. What I would encourage you to do is write down all of the questions you and your partner have in your minds so you won't forget anything. I would then BOTH make an appointment with the doctor indicating that you need to talk, in depth. Both of you need to be there so that you can each hear what is going on and two people tend to pick up more information than one. This is your baby and your health. Don't be afraid to ask questions, not aggressively or emotionally, but firmly and get the answers you need in words you can understand (i.e. non-medical, or ask what the medical means). If that doctor won't talk with you or explain your personal situation, then indeed get another doctor whom you can communicate openly with and whom will understand your anxiety. Some doctors are so focused on the medical aspect of what they are doing, they can forget about the person and the emotionality of the situation. This doesn't take away from their caring, expertise or knowledge but it can make it difficult to be their patient due to poor communication, lack of feeling as if the doctor is really interested in you and feeling like a commodity rather than a patient. You need to feel relaxed with your doctor and have trust in his/her decisions regarding your health and that of your baby(ies).

Best wishes.

Feedback: October, 2005
I am now at 9 weeks 5 days pregnant and at 4 weeks had an ultra sound. At a 6 weeks ultrasound, they found 2 sacs and only one growing baby. They don't even call it a fetus or a baby which frustrates me very much as it was very much a part of me. They say the one will just absorb back in to my body. How long does this usually take? The dr is not really giving me any answers nor has any compassion at all. He just kinda said yep theres 2 and moved on to talk about the healthy, growing baby. Any ideas how else I may approach this doctor? He is a specialist and is not in my book very professional.

From Lynda: I am very sorry for your loss. I am also saddened by your doctor's apparent lack of sympathy with this type of loss. Unfortunately his response is not uncommon, not just from doctors but it can be from other healthcare professionals, friends and families. For some reason, the general feeling is that an 'early loss' isn't as much of a loss as say a stillbirth, or even the fact that you still are pregnant with one. The loss being so early often makes people respond, 'so what's the problem? There is still a baby.' No matter how short the life or how many we are carrying, these are much wanted babies. Their loss can be deeply felt and in truth, others need to take their cue from the parents. He is probably not calling it a 'baby' so as to not upset you when in fact, the opposite is true. When people write to me, I take my cue from their words and their choice of words tells me a lot about what they are feeling about their loss, even though we have never met. It is not our place to judge or add to someone's grief, but it is our job to commiserate, to explain, to sympathize, to empathize, to respect such losses as the parents decide.

Take the opportunity to teach, to explain, to gently make sure that your doctor understands your frustration and pain, added to by his absence of empathy and glossing over. Sometimes, in our pain, we can reach out and teach and make sure that even though the loss was early and there still remains a baby, EACH baby was equally precious and equally wanted. Such teachings help parents honour a lost baby too. Feel free to print the article of Vanishing Twin and also this response and leave it with him and his staff. Hopefully someone will pick up on your feelings and the next family will not have to experience what you did.

This early loss of one baby should not affect the rest of your pregnancy nor harm yourself nor your other baby. The remaining tissue will, as your doctor says, be reabsorbed by your body. It is Nature's way. You may be more closely monitored until birth in order to make sure things progress well, but such additional monitoring would be cautionary not a reflection that anything is wrong.

May the rest of your pregnancy proceed well and I hope you will soon be holding your precious baby in your arms. Best wishes.

Feedback: July, 2005
Hiya. Your note in your article stated that the vanished twin's sac is either miscarried or reabsorbed into the mother's system. The thing is I had vanishing twin sydrome and I gave birth to one baby and a sac full of tissue and blood at 37 weeks. the doctors said that the sac was the twin but offered no explantion to this. Have you heard of this or do you know of anywhere I can get any infomation as I cannot seem to let go of this? Hannah

From Lynda: Hi, I completely understand that you cannot let this go. Don't be too hard on yourself - you need answers and that isn't a bad thing. You should have had two babies and you were robbed! I'm not a medical person and I don't know anything about your personal situation, but I can comment generally. Each woman will have a different experience. Some depends upon when the twin 'vanished' and the duration of the rest of the pregnancy. Some depends upon the uniqueness of each woman's pregnancy. Not all pregnancies are the same, even for the same woman. Can you request copies of your medical and hospital records? If yes, go over them with your doctor indicating that you need to understand what happened, as clearly as possible. At the time of delivery, it may have been too much information for you to accept, but now you are in a better position to properly understand. Asking your doctor for his impressions and feedback will be a good beginning. You will need to be prepared for the fact that there may not be any answers. We can't clearly explain each aspect of what occurs. Medicine isn't exact and nature plays a role in the outcomes. What you can rely on is that the fetus was not healthy. It did not have a good 'grip' on the uterus to obtain the maternal nutrition it needed to grow and develop into a healthy baby. We don't always know why this happens. It is thought that many more of us began life as at least twins than way previously thought. I am very sorry for what you are going through and the loss of your baby. You will no doubt need to work through that grief and don't let anyone tell you not to, if that is what you wish to do. If you would like to write to me again, I will answer you.

Hugs,
Lynda

Feedback: July, 2005
Hiya. Your note in your article that the vanished twins sac is either miscarried or reabsorbed into the mother's system. the thing is I had vanishing twin sydrome and I gave birth to one baby and a sac full of tissue and blood at 37 weeks. the docters said that the sac was the twin but offered no explantion to this. Have you heard of this or do you know of anywhere I can get any infomation as I cannot seem to let go of this? Hannah

From Lynda: Hi, I completely understand that you cannot let this go. Don't be too hard on yourself - you need answers and that isn't a bad thing. You should have had two babies and you were robbed! I'm not a medical person and I don't know anything about your personal situation, but I can comment generally. Each woman will have a different experience. Some depends upon when the twin 'vanished' and the duration of the rest of the pregnancy. Some depends upon the uniqueness of each woman's pregnancy. Not all pregnancies are the same, even for the same woman. Can you request copies of your medical and hospital records? If yes, go over them with your doctor indicating that you need to understand what happened, as clearly as possible. At the time of delivery, it may have been too much information for you to accept, but now you are in a better position to properly understand. Asking your doctor for his impressions and feedback will be a good beginning. You will need to be prepared for the fact that there may not be any answers. We can't clearly explain each aspect of what occurs. Medicine isn't exact and nature plays a role in the outcomes. What you can rely on is that the fetus was not healthy. It did not have a good 'grip' on the uterus to obtain the maternal nutrition it needed to grow and develop into a healthy baby. We don't always know why this happens. It is thought that many more of us began life as at least twins than way previously thought. I am very sorry for what you are going through and the loss of your baby. You will no doubt need to work through that grief and don't let anyone tell you not to, if that is what you wish to do. If you would like to write to me again, I will answer you.

Hugs,
Lynda

Feedback: June, 2005
I had one baby and the doctor had to break my bag of waters, yet he was as surprised as I was to find out that there were two. Could that had been VT syndrome? Her name is Maddison and she is 19 mos. now. Thank you so much. Tammy M., Texas

From Lynda: Hi Tammy, I need to tell you that I am not a medical person, nor do I have knowledge of your personal medical situation but I can comment generally. Your doctor would be the one to confirm if your thoughts and my comments are correct. I think you are telling me that with your placenta, there was proof of another fetus. With VT, there isn't always proof of the VT remaining but it would depend on when the fetus died and when the mother gave birth (as to how much had been absorbed). This is the most hit on article on my Site (interestingly) and it would seem that many more of us began life as at least twins than was previously thought. I would clarify with your doctor about what he found with the placenta. I know that's not the answer you wanted to hear, but we can't change the past and I have very mixed feelings about offering someone some news that they can't change (that's a sweeping statement) vs the fact that some people like to know everything (which is certainly their perogative).

Very best wishes.

Feedback: I am 15 weeks and two days pregnant. At 6 weeks and 4 days I had an ultrasound in my doctors office he said that I was pregnant with twins all that they could see were two tiny sacs and little tadpole dots. My husband and I were so excited with the news, we almost immediatly told the whole world. This is my second pregnancy, my first pregnancy was text book I delivered at 40 weeks a 9lb 7oz healthy and happy baby girl. This pregancy is very diffrent I have been very sick and tired. I had severe cramping for about a week and a half the doctor had me come into his office and they sent me for another ultrasound. During the ultrasound and they saw 1 baby and a additional sac with nothing in it. We went yesterday for yet another ultrasound and another round of bad news. They told my husband and I that the sac from the second baby was underneath the placenta of the baby that was doing ok. The doctor stated that this is considered a minor placenta hemorage and they would just half to wait and see what is going to happen. He said that there is nothing that you or I can do at this point and that only time will tell. He said that this creates a higher risk of miscarriage. I can not find any information about this on the internet. Can you please help me? I am scared and very sad. I dont know if there is anything else that you would know about it but at this point anything will help. Thank you for your time.

From Lynda: Hi, here is an answer from my medical expert. Please note that only your own healthcare professional can make a proper diagnosis on your personal situation as s/he has all of your medical history and I would encourage to check with him/her. I hope this is helpful.> I think this is probably just the position the other sac happened to be in in relation to the other twin and it should become reabsorbed - she is only 15 weeks - over the next few weeks. I think sometimes a small fluid filled cyst might develop but that shouldn't be a problem. But as you say we can't say definitely without seeing the ultrasound and knowing more medical background.

Feedback: At 16 weeks I had my first ultrasound and there were two sacs only one baby seen. On the screen you could only see part of the second sac (maybe an inch thick) that ran into the sac with the baby. Is it possible that the rest of the sac is just hiding behind the sac with the baby and it too has a baby in it. At first I was relived there was only one but now I find myself praying somehow there is two. I have read a lot on the message boards about twins and seem to have similar symptoms.

From Lynda: Hi, Please know that I am not a medical person nor do I have knowledge of your personal situation. I can comment generally. Yes, there is a possibility that one or part of one sac could be hiding behind the other but the technician would also be listening for two heartbeats. A twin pregnancy isn't solely diagnosed visually. I sincerely hope that you are, indeed, carrying twins and that your wishes will come true. Probably the next ultrasound will be clearer due to the fetus' growth. Very best wishes.

Feedback: February 6, 2005
I have a subchorionic hemmorage the same exact size as my gestational sac of a healthy baby in my uterus also. There are twins on both sides of the family for future twins. Twins on my Mom's side usually one is born very sick only living a couple of hours or stillborn. On my husband's side the twins are born healthy. I am on bedrest, but have had many dreams about my twin baby boys that look exactly like my 2 year old.

From:
I just got a new e-mail address and I don't know it. Please respond

From Lynda: You didn't ask a question. If you have any medical questions, please check with your doctor. I am not qualified to answer as I do not know of your personal situation and I am not a medical person. Enclosing best wishes.

Feedback: When my mother was 19 weeks pregnant with me she nearly lost me and was admitted to hospital for the remainder of the pregnancy. Once I was born, the doctor discovered my identical twin sister who had died in utero. All my life i have felt something missing. My family would prefer not to discuss the fact that I'm one of a twin set as it is painful for them. Do you know of any research that has been done on the psychological effects of twins that have lost their siblings in utero which may help me understand how I feel or any support group where I may be able to talk to other soul-surviving twins in my situation?

From Lynda: Hi, your Mom probably didn't have VT as, if you are correct, this is too late in her pregnancy. VT occurs by about week 12. She probably miscarried your twin sister. You don't say how old you are. If you are under 20 years old, you may be able to search for either ultrasound or hospital (where you were born) records, which might provide some feedback.

A portion of the Bereavement Section of my Site focuses on surviving co-multiples. There is a reading list, links and some personal stories. They may provide some connection for you.

I am really sorry that your family will not discuss this sad episode with you. What they are inadvertently doing is addressing only their own feelings and pain rather than helping you clarify yours. I don't mean this rudely, just as a statement of fact. The loss of a child, no matter how early, is very painful and there is nothing the parents could have done to 'protect' their child. For any parent, that is a horrible feeling. Those feelings of loss can be compounded by those of guilt. It may help you to understand where they are coming from and perhaps you may be able to get someone to discuss what happened in order to help you, their living child.

I am very sorry to hear of your loss and can certainly understand your wish to find some answers.

Feedback: This was a very interesting article; I had bleeding around the 4th week of pregnancy. In week 6, an ultrasound confirmed 1 viable fetus and 1 un-viable fetus. It was great to hear that this can be a very common thing. As I now have 1 child, I wonder though what the odds are of these people (like me) conceiving twins on the next pregnancy?

From Lynda: I am sorry to hear of your loss. When twins are conceived spontaneously (i.e. no infertility assistance), you up your chances by 50% more of conceiving them again if you have done so once. It's good to know as knowledge is power. wishing you all the best

Feedback: Is it possible to miss a twin pregnancy in the first trimester (6-7weeks)? My daughter had a trans vaginal and abdominal ultra sound but was told that the pregnancy was not progressing. She started spotting, then heavier bleeding after the second tvu. Her hcg levels still remain high. I am wondering if she may have been pregnant with twins and has now lost the one. thank you.

From Lynda: Hi Linda, I am not 100% sure what your question is - do you mean can you miscarry one or both babies in the first trimester or do you mean was the ultrasound wrong and the technician missed identifying a twin pregnancy?

My feeling is that sometimes Mother Nature has a way of protecting our unborn child(ren) and ourselves, by not letting an unhealthy pregnancy continue. We then miscarry that particular pregnancy. Most women have a miscarriage at some point in their lives and some don't realize they were even pregnant, as they may be several days or even a couple of weeks late and then have heavy bleeding and perhaps some clots. Each pregnancy is different, even for the same woman.

In most cases, I think answers are good and even helpful. I also think that answers can be a burden. Looking at your daughter's elevated hcg levels and knowing what happened (if science could tell you - I am not a medical person, so I don't know) in this very early pregnancy may be a painful burden for the rest of her life. The truth is probably mostly speculation and as long as she is healthy and, as she conceived once and will no doubt have no trouble conceiving again, maybe that's a better focus.

If you still needed to know the answer or answers, detailed follow up with her physician may provide those answers.

All the best.

Feedback: Will the weaker fetus always dissolve naturally? I have one strong heartbeat and one weak one at 8 weeks pregnant.

From Lynda: Hi - I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you and your babies. While you still have a long way to go in your pregnancy, miracles can happen and who knows, this may still work out. I am always optimistic.

If a weaker twin does die in utero and depending upon how long later the other twin is born, there could be no indication of a twin pregnancy remaining, or an area of the placenta that is "thicker" (for want of a better word) which could give an indication of the lost fetus or if the fetus dies very late in the pregnancy, one could deliver a stillborn baby. Continuing, regular physician check-ups and open communication will keep you informed as to your particular status and situation.

I enclose the very best of wishes to all of you.

Feedback: What is the metaphysical explanation for vanishing twins? How is the soul effected?

From Lynda: Hi, thanks for your question. I think VT happens for natural reasons, i.e. for some unknown reason, one or more embryos does not properly attach itself to the uterine wall and is thereby unable to obtain the proper amount of maternal nutrition it needs to grow and develop.

Some individuals "swear" that they began life as at least twins. There is no way of verifying this unless possibly tests were conducted at birth, or an early ultrasound revealed at least two. There is no way to assess whether or not the soul is affected. Check back to my Site for Q & A for VT I've been asked. My Web Designer or is posting some of the replies. They were quite interesting.

All the best.

Feedback: My daughter and I think she may be the surviving twin of a vanished twin in utero. What are the psychological and spiritual ramifications of this loss? Can you direct us to books, articles or other sources of info on this area? Many thanks.

From Lynda: Hi, thank you for your question. I don't think you are going to like my response but why would you bother focusing on something that can never be proven? It can only "bug" you for the rest of your lives. Is that a good idea? Why not concentrate on what you are now, what you have and how you can make a difference? Everything else is just a guess and not a reliable one at that.

All the best.

Feedback: I disagree with what you said to that mother and daughter [see question below - ed] who were trying to find out info on VTS and if she had a twin.

From Lynda: I was asked an opinion and I gave it. You're allowed to disagree.

Feedback: My friend is 32 weeks pregnant and her belly is huge! The doctor told her at her first appointment at about 10 weeks she had been pregnant with twins and lost one. Is it possible she could still be pregnant with twins and one is hiding? She also started having contractions last night and went to the hospital and after six hours her contractions stopped, and I know women pregnant with twins usually go into labor sooner.

From Lynda: Hi, you are obviously a very caring friend to be searching for information for your friend. I am unable to comment personally because I don't know your friend's situation nor am I a medical person. I do know that women can have very large babies - I was talking to one today and her first child was over 10lbs. Your friend could be having a very large baby. So much could also depend on her general health both before she got pregnant and during her pregnancy, nutrition during her pregnancy, regular medical check-ups, those types of things.

With the quality of ultrasound equipment they have today, it would be unusual for a baby to remain 'hidden' for so long but Mother Nature has a way of keeping us on our toes. You will need to wait until she gives birth for the right answer.

All the best.

Feedback: I am 7 weeks pregnant. At first it was twins. Now after my sono [ultrasound] I was told that one died. Will the other one live?

From Lynda: Hello, I am not a fan of early ultrasounds due to the fact that by 12 weeks, everything can dramatically change, as you have experienced. I am so sorry to hear of your circumstances. An early loss such as yours usually does not affect the surviving baby. Your pregnancy should continue through with a healthy delivery, with all things being equal. Your doctor will monitor you carefully due to this loss, but your surviving baby should be just fine.

All the very best.

Feedback: I went to the emergency room at 8 weeks pregnant with bleeding but no accompanying cramps. When they did the ultrasound there were two sacs, one with a lively little baby and one with a clump of tissue in it. At the time I was confused, not knowing whether to be sad that one was lost or happy that one was okay. A couple of days later, I felt a warm gush of fluid, which I can only assume was amniotic fluid. When I went to my OB for an ultrasound the day after the fluid, there was no trace of any sac or twin, only subchorionic bleeding. I am now 8 months pregnant with a healthy little guy and my Drs. still do not recognize my lost baby, despite the fact that I've even shown them the films from the hospital where you can clearly see two sacs and both babies. It is so frustrating to me, because as I near the due date I grieve more and more for the one that won't be born and my Drs. act like it never existed. How do I make them understand that I know it existed and just because they never saw it themselves, I want them to acknowledge it. Is it possible they would find any remnants of it during delivery, so we would have some closure? That is, assuming they ever recognize it in the first place.

From Lynda: Hi, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your pain, especially as the time draws near to birth when there should have been two. I also feel very badly that the professionals looking after you aren't tuned into the fact that you have, indeed, lost a treasured baby. I'm not sure that they will ever 'come around' as you wish if you have showed them the pictures and still there is no recognition. It boggles my mind how caring individuals treat only the body and not the soul or spirit. We are a package, not components of a package.

If you think it might help, print the article from my Site and take it to your Doctor. If you can educate him/her so that no one else has to suffer through being ignored, then you have honoured your baby's memory. You could speak or write about your experience, whenever you can if that worked for you. Teaching others is very healing and helpful.

At the end of this month, there is a Perinatal Bereavement Conference in Las Vegas at which I will be a co-presenter. We are mainly speaking to professionals and Vanishing Twin is on my list to talk about and promote caring from those who tend us in our hour of need. I remain.....so shocked that they won't, don't or can't listen to you and hear your pain. I could certainly read it between the lines of your note!

If you want to write to me again, please do so, at any time. I care and I am so sorry that you are experiencing such distress at a time when it is just not necessary. We are talking about basic human compassion. I encourage you and your partner to take the steps necessary that you both need to heal and come to terms with your loss seeing as it isn't happening otherwise. Make a Memory Box of ultrasounds, your thoughts, a diary, send him/her a card or letter from his parents. Add a copy of this e-mail so that s/he will know how much you love him/her. You can also name him/her with a generic name such as Skye, Lindsay, Taylor, Corey, Sam or anything else that suits your fancy. This is your time and take what you need to acknowledge your baby. Your baby doesn't need to be negated because s/he died. I enclose peace, comfort and hugs.

Feedback: Is there any common factor that is associated with vanishing twin?

From Lynda: Thanks for your question. It is difficult to say because the loss occurs so early in the pregnancy, i.e. before 12 weeks. At birth, many months later, there is very little to assess or examine due to reabsorption by the mother's body. It is felt that a cause may be that the embryo failed to properly adhere to the uterine wall and was therefore unable to get the nourishment it needed to grow and develop.

Feedback: I lost one of my twins at 15 weeks. I am told it will be reabsorbed. How long before I will be safe with the remaining healthy baby, i.e. am I likely to lose it as well? I am very scared and worried thanks Pauline, U.K.

From Lynda: Hi, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I need to let you know that I am not a medical person, nor do I have personal knowledge of your medical situation. I can comment generally. The VT article is the most popular on my Site. It has long been suspected that more of us began life as at least twins than was previously thought, but unless detailed records are kept, there is no way to prove that is true. VT does not usually affect the surviving baby(ies) unless that one too is unhealthy. Reabsorption would be a personal thing and each woman would be different. Time of loss would be another factor, i.e. 6 weeks gestation would be more quickly reabsorbed than 12 weeks and so on. There is no reason at all why your remaining baby shouldn't continue to grow through a healthy pregnancy and birth. Regular doctor visits and monitoring will confirm that for you. If you are in doubt, ASK each visit how things are going just to ease your mind.

Very best wishes.

Feedback: We just found out that we experienced vanishing twin syndrome. At 6 weeks I had an ultra sound due to cramping and spotting. We were concerned because of a previous miscarrige. I am now 16 weeks and last night was the ultra sound confirming the vanishing twin. I cannot believe how devastating this is. My emotions are all over the board and I'm trying to rationalize that the other baby will be much stronger and healthier. Your article helped as I was skeptical to read about this syndrome, [and] your non-medical jargon was really a comfort. Thank you.

From Lynda: I am so sorry to hear of your loss. VT is hard to find compassion for as the loss occurs so early and there is often a surviving baby so it doesn't always register with others as to the degree of loss. You were promised two and the promise was broken! That is extremely painful. I am glad you found the article helpful and the non-medical jargon was done on purpose as so often what with shock and disbelief, and in such a emotional state it can be difficult to understand medical explanations for what has occurred.

Please be gentle with yourselves. It is OK to grieve for your loss isn't fair and completely normal that your emotions will be all over the board.

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