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| Multiple Mourning: Supporting Families Who Experience Loss
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Dr. Elizabeth Pector
Multiple Births Canada Conference 2003
23rd May, 2003
After working several years with Dr. Pector through correspondence, it was a delight to finally get to meet this woman who has worked so hard on improving the support resources for families who lose one, more or all of their babies. Dr. Pector's twin son, Bryan, was stillborn five years ago and since that time she has researched and published articles in several medical journals. She has also created her own support Web Site, www.synspectrum.com/multiplicity.html, all in an effort to fill some of the service gaps and to offer professional management suggestions to facilitate mourning and parent resources.
Dr. Pector's presentation was enlightening both for the professionals and parents in attendance. She set the stage by providing an Overview of loss in multiple births and the unique challenges associated with such loss. She explained that bereaved parents confront the reality and risks of a multiple pregnancy; the loss of a unique parenting role and status; the children lose a special sibling relationship; multiple realities (juggling feelings and decisions about many children at once). Parents may also face medical, ethical and logistical complications; differing problems in the fetuses or survivors; experience 2 or more losses at different times; have two or more survivors. Other losses could include: infertility (loss of normal family planning); Prematurity (loss of rest of pregnancy); NICU stay (loss of normal parenting); Disability (loss of normal child); marital, financial or psychological troubles.
Dr. Pector listed other factors which could affect grief course:
- cultural background
- zygosity
- sex of deceased or surviving baby(ies)
- infertility treatment
- number of survivors
- other multiples within the extended family
- lawsuit decisions
- controversial medical decisions
Dr. Pector explained that bereaved parents are often confused about whether or not they have still have multiples and what to call the survivor(s). She suggested that in order to support the family at this time, hospital staff could respond in practical ways: Ask the parents how they wish to refer to survivors; label charts and isolettes as per the parents' wishes; notify all staff of the loss history; offer bereavement support for both loss and NICU stay; arrange for photos of the children both separate and together; prepare memory boxes; plaster casts of hands and feet; discharge planning; and follow-up after discharge. Dr. Pector reminded us that what the parents often see is "the dead child in the living one" and further that they "don't see one lovely baby, but see not two lovely babies."
By being fully informed and educated in the unique challenges that face bereaved multiple birth parents, NICU nurses, midwives, physicians, Doulas and funeral directors can be better prepared to assist and support these grieving families.
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