• Consider the releasing of one or more homing pigeons. There are usually local businesses in your community which have homing birds for special occasions and you can rent them for your memorial. Try the Yellow Pages for one nearest you (see one family's story and photos on this Site of their bird release);
• Light a special and beautiful candle;
• Make a donation in your child(ren)'s name;
• Do some volunteer work in your child(ren)'s name;
• Some families do not want to take away from their surviving co-multiple(s)'s joy and if the death day is the same as the birth day, the family will set aside a different day in which to remember their baby(ies);
• Having photos around the house can be helpful or perhaps making a memorial book. Photos (even just one) around the house will encourage your surviving co-multiple(s) to ask questions and you can explain and answer his or her questions when your child(ren) needs to know and in age-appropriate language;
• Consider involving the grandparents in your memorial or special services. They, too, have suffered a loss and are often the forgotten people in this sad situation.
• It may be possible to take hand and/or foot prints of your baby(ies). These can be carefully framed in a shadow box with an engraved nameplate.

Note: Released helium balloons are not recommended due to the fact that deflated balloons have been found in the stomachs and intestines of whales, turtles and birds. It is a difficult and sometimes painful death for unsuspecting animals.


As mentioned above, one unique idea is to release Homing Doves, also called Memorial Doves. They are white doves, which are released at an appropriate moment at a graveside burial, memorial service or monument unveiling. There are companies in some areas of the country whom will supply you with these homing birds.


Here is a fabulous idea which a grandmother explains. Her daughter and son-in-law's friends lovingly reached out after the couple lost their triplet babies.

lost triplet babies......
My daughter is home from the hospital and I will be going to take care of her this coming week so her husband can go back to work. I thought I would pass on what a loving thing their friends did. When my daughter and her husband arrived home, they were greeted by these friends who threw them a "shower" of love and comfort. They brought presents like plants for the house, gift certificates to the video store, etc. One woman's gift was to clean my daughter's windows in a couple of weeks. Since we live in a desert environment, this is a very loving thing to do. They also brought covered dishes and spent time with the couple and just let them guide the conversation. My daughter said, she felt so loved and cared for by so many people. One woman (although she was a little nervous about it) brought her newborn (2 weeks old) and let my daughter hold him. This did not upset my daughter. Instead she said it gave her a chance to hold a baby in her arms and it just felt so natural. I thought this was such a wonderful, thoughtful thing that made their homecoming less painful.

Below is another option which is working extremely well for a triplet family who lost one of their young sons at 21 months due to complications from his prematurity.

Our Fifth Family Member...
A friend of mine from Oslo, Norway, who also lost her young son, shared this poem with me. Loosely translated from Norwegian and paraphrased, it reads:

We are four in our family.
We are five in our family.
We have an invisible one in our family.
If you don't know our fifth family member,
You don't know us.

This poem sums up for me the importance to us of always including our Angel Joey as a member of our family.

This is especially so as he is one of our triplets. People will insist on calling our boys 'twins'...but they are not. We have many pictures of Joey from his brief time with us but every year at portrait time, we want to make sure he is with us. Another friend suggested including some momento of his or even a framed picture in our family portrait. I found a small, stuffed bear with a blue ribbon and holding a wooden block with the letter 'J' on it. This is our 'Joey Bear'. For the past two years, Joey Bear has joined us in our Family portraits. He is a small reminder that we are not as complete a family as we once were. One is absent from us physically but always present in our hearts.


Yvonne, Ottawa, mother of triplet boys born prematurely. Joey died aged 21 months from complications of his prematurity. Triplet brothers: Robert is doing very well and Anthony has cerebral palsy.






This article was previously included in Forever Angels, Issue 33, Spring 2002, quarterly newsletter of Multiple Births Canada's Loss Support Network.

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Have you found a special way to remember your baby(ies)? If you would like to share how you and your family remember your baby(ies), please write me a line and I will be delighted to include your Special Remembrance. I can be reached at haddon@istar.ca.

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